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Feb. 6th, 2006 09:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zesty_pintoWhy the hell did I see Hostel this weekend? I'm not even a gore fan, but when I went out to hang with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
acid_trip_lain on Saturday, we went to see a movie and this was one of two potential choices to watch for the time we came in. It was probably the prospect of the words "Quentin Tarantino" printed by its title, like a brand name guarantee of quality, that encouraged me to see it in light of other movies that were at the theatre. But instead of seeing a typical 90 minute sugar rush of blockbuster entertainment such as "The Matador" (I should have given Pierce Brosnan more respect for the dignity in the roles he play. Okay, outside of Dante's Peak), I wasted it on a movie that was... I guess it was horror.
Now, I should have realized something was wrong when I saw a preview for a WWE movie. We all know the previews of movies are targeted towards a similar demographic: superhero previews for comic book movies, love tales for romance films, terrible defecation previews for comedy movies.
Obviously, a movie made by World Wrestling Entertainment meant it was made to hit at least one particular demographic, the people that like wrestling. When you see some sadistic killer around spindly armed guys and hot chicks, you know that it's meant to be a horror movie demographic. And when you see these combined? You know that they're not only hitting those two demographics, but you also know they're trying to hit that other niche: the demographic of people who probably enjoy/experience something out of Jerry Springer. Honestly, I can see kids wanting to see this stuff, but for a rated R movie? There's a definite suggestion of a movie made to fill its seats with people that reek of the smell of monster truck exhaust and iPods blaring with MTV-tailored metal music. And there would be at least half of them watching this movie I chose right at that moment.
The movie itself seemed to be a buddy film! It begins with Amsterdam, where people hang out and have fun with pot and sex. There's even a fat proprieter who says all that stuff that sounds funny when an old person says it ("That's some gooood shit!" He ribalds in one scene with an symphonic bass in his voice), making it funny! Of course, there's enough T&A in the first thirty minutes of the movie to make it look like it came from Playboy. The three buddies, including the wishy-washy "I-still-miss-my-ex-girlfriend-so-I-cant-get-it-on" buddy, go on a tirade of finding happiness through waxing stoned women with their semen.
But, of course, we need to get down to the other plot, so we skip this scene in favor of another one. That is, this wonderful land they are told where there are so many hot and horny chicks (all, uh, two or three of them as you later find out), where the Little Rascals become terrorists, and where some ordinary guy who eats like he was the artist in The Bell Jar; all of them come together in this town and slowly make each member disappear. How? Why, through sex and drugs, of course (what a coincidence)!
So, wave good-bye to all the T&A, and begin to embrace the other side of the story: the horror movie side. Unlike Frosted mini-wheats, this combination made me scratch my head and wonder what the hell were these people on. But, yes, the two hot chicks in the town that is "full of hot women [because] all the men went to war" (and yet is full of guys in nightclubs, bars, and other such places) are evil and want to get them all killed. The survivor ends up being the most attractive one.
Oh, and speaking of attraction, this comes to my second conclusion on the moral of this movie. The evil chicks, while designed to be hot, suddenly use less makeup to hide their blemishes as they become more evil. Likewise, anyone that seems to have something to do with this evil plot also seems to look like they were an extra from "Deliverance." Apparently, good is proportional to beauty in this movie. Why, there's even a scene where he saves a Japanese tourist who has this incredibly large burn scar on her face (did I forget to mention that nobody seems to care that her face is half-burned? Northern Europe must have been home to the Hiroshima Brides for them to be so callous about this), she sees her face, realizes how ugly she is, and commits suicide by jumping into a train. Obviously, this movie teaches us that if you become ugly for some reason or another, killing yourself is a good idea or else you might become evil too.
Did I mention motive yet? No? A shame. Stacking up under the level of unbelievability was the motive behind these murders: these tourists are rounded up and prepared to be killed for...
Guess a moment. Think about it this way: why would someone be kidnapped and murdered? I'll give you a hint, it involves making money off of these people. Keep thinking. Okay, the reason is: they take tourists to be locked into a room so that people can pay to torture them. That's right, it's a sadomasochist fantasy motive: not organ transplants, not ransom, not even a performance artist gone mad; it's for a pay-per-life torture scheme. Oh, and for some damn reason Americans are worth the most. Why? You got me, maybe because people like to fantasize it's George W. they're killing.
But, of course, there's also a third side of this movie: the revenge side! That's right, this movie is also a revenge movie. I should have realized that Quentin Tarantino probably brought that influence into this already faulty film by having a scene where the protagonist not only kills the once-hot-but-not-hot-without-makeup-and-evil chicks, but also the guy with bad dining skills who killed his Charlie Brown friend. But this brings up another question: how does he know this? He knows he's a murderer only because he's seen him picking at the corpse of his friend and while he was in a surgeon's outfit, meaning he could tell it was him by his eyes? I don't get it. In fact, forget it, this movie was ridiculous.
I'm sorry, there was a third moral to this movie: don't choose a movie without looking up at least a little on what the hell the synopsis is. I know that was my mistake. Ugh.
acid_trip_lain on Saturday, we went to see a movie and this was one of two potential choices to watch for the time we came in. It was probably the prospect of the words "Quentin Tarantino" printed by its title, like a brand name guarantee of quality, that encouraged me to see it in light of other movies that were at the theatre. But instead of seeing a typical 90 minute sugar rush of blockbuster entertainment such as "The Matador" (I should have given Pierce Brosnan more respect for the dignity in the roles he play. Okay, outside of Dante's Peak), I wasted it on a movie that was... I guess it was horror.Now, I should have realized something was wrong when I saw a preview for a WWE movie. We all know the previews of movies are targeted towards a similar demographic: superhero previews for comic book movies, love tales for romance films, terrible defecation previews for comedy movies.
Obviously, a movie made by World Wrestling Entertainment meant it was made to hit at least one particular demographic, the people that like wrestling. When you see some sadistic killer around spindly armed guys and hot chicks, you know that it's meant to be a horror movie demographic. And when you see these combined? You know that they're not only hitting those two demographics, but you also know they're trying to hit that other niche: the demographic of people who probably enjoy/experience something out of Jerry Springer. Honestly, I can see kids wanting to see this stuff, but for a rated R movie? There's a definite suggestion of a movie made to fill its seats with people that reek of the smell of monster truck exhaust and iPods blaring with MTV-tailored metal music. And there would be at least half of them watching this movie I chose right at that moment.
The movie itself seemed to be a buddy film! It begins with Amsterdam, where people hang out and have fun with pot and sex. There's even a fat proprieter who says all that stuff that sounds funny when an old person says it ("That's some gooood shit!" He ribalds in one scene with an symphonic bass in his voice), making it funny! Of course, there's enough T&A in the first thirty minutes of the movie to make it look like it came from Playboy. The three buddies, including the wishy-washy "I-still-miss-my-ex-girlfriend-so-I-cant-get-it-on" buddy, go on a tirade of finding happiness through waxing stoned women with their semen.
But, of course, we need to get down to the other plot, so we skip this scene in favor of another one. That is, this wonderful land they are told where there are so many hot and horny chicks (all, uh, two or three of them as you later find out), where the Little Rascals become terrorists, and where some ordinary guy who eats like he was the artist in The Bell Jar; all of them come together in this town and slowly make each member disappear. How? Why, through sex and drugs, of course (what a coincidence)!
So, wave good-bye to all the T&A, and begin to embrace the other side of the story: the horror movie side. Unlike Frosted mini-wheats, this combination made me scratch my head and wonder what the hell were these people on. But, yes, the two hot chicks in the town that is "full of hot women [because] all the men went to war" (and yet is full of guys in nightclubs, bars, and other such places) are evil and want to get them all killed. The survivor ends up being the most attractive one.
Oh, and speaking of attraction, this comes to my second conclusion on the moral of this movie. The evil chicks, while designed to be hot, suddenly use less makeup to hide their blemishes as they become more evil. Likewise, anyone that seems to have something to do with this evil plot also seems to look like they were an extra from "Deliverance." Apparently, good is proportional to beauty in this movie. Why, there's even a scene where he saves a Japanese tourist who has this incredibly large burn scar on her face (did I forget to mention that nobody seems to care that her face is half-burned? Northern Europe must have been home to the Hiroshima Brides for them to be so callous about this), she sees her face, realizes how ugly she is, and commits suicide by jumping into a train. Obviously, this movie teaches us that if you become ugly for some reason or another, killing yourself is a good idea or else you might become evil too.
Did I mention motive yet? No? A shame. Stacking up under the level of unbelievability was the motive behind these murders: these tourists are rounded up and prepared to be killed for...
Guess a moment. Think about it this way: why would someone be kidnapped and murdered? I'll give you a hint, it involves making money off of these people. Keep thinking. Okay, the reason is: they take tourists to be locked into a room so that people can pay to torture them. That's right, it's a sadomasochist fantasy motive: not organ transplants, not ransom, not even a performance artist gone mad; it's for a pay-per-life torture scheme. Oh, and for some damn reason Americans are worth the most. Why? You got me, maybe because people like to fantasize it's George W. they're killing.
But, of course, there's also a third side of this movie: the revenge side! That's right, this movie is also a revenge movie. I should have realized that Quentin Tarantino probably brought that influence into this already faulty film by having a scene where the protagonist not only kills the once-hot-but-not-hot-without-makeup-and-evil chicks, but also the guy with bad dining skills who killed his Charlie Brown friend. But this brings up another question: how does he know this? He knows he's a murderer only because he's seen him picking at the corpse of his friend and while he was in a surgeon's outfit, meaning he could tell it was him by his eyes? I don't get it. In fact, forget it, this movie was ridiculous.
I'm sorry, there was a third moral to this movie: don't choose a movie without looking up at least a little on what the hell the synopsis is. I know that was my mistake. Ugh.
