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Sep. 13th, 2003 01:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zesty_pintoYou know, it's funny...
Before, I used to think relationships were the biggest deal in the world. Actually, I still do, but I always had this urgency to find one and to take the bull by the horns and give myself to the person to make them happy for the rest of their life like I was some sort of loyal protector of theirs or something. This always made me depressed because I always kept becoming a hopeless romantic all the time. Hell, it's my weak spot.
After returning to college in Rutgers, it's... just not there anymore. I feel like I have no more need to worry about relationships, looking for love, getting that happy movie ending with the love interest character. My goal to attain grad school just seems to devour it instead, and it feels great. Well, great aside from the less sleep and the constant runnign around, but that's what I get for living off-campus and commuting long hours.
I just don't feel that anymore; no more of that gaping hole inside of me. I still get disgusted seeing gropey couples together, but at the same time I just don't feel fits of jealousy anymore. I do feel a bit lonely since I don't really know anyone here to talk to on a regular basis and even the faculty barely know me... but that's a different level. I don't feel the need to pester for women: and it's like the greatest burden on my shoulders disappeared as a result.
When I think about it, I realize why: do you know how men always talk about being "tied down" by relationships? I would be like that. Not tied down in a way that would make me promiscuous or anything, but I'd be tied down pampering my mate over my own goals. If I found love that returned that affection now, well... I would probably dump it all just to go for it. It's hopelessly romantic, but it's also idiotic to the point of ridicule. I know I would do that though: I'm that kind of guy. Heck, I'd probably forget about all those other things that come with relationships, like the disagreements, the fights, the finances both spent in time and money just to be together...
Maybe this is what all the lonely people in the world need to do: they need to find a goal, desire to attain it, and fight for it with tooth and claw. I might just also be spouting hyperbole, but for once in the longest while, I just feel happy being single. Actual happy: like really freaking ecstatically happy. And you know what? I'm going to stay this way until the woman of my dreams comes up to me and starts to talk to me, and the chance of that isn't going to happen normally in a logical system considering the heuristics of male-female interaction, so I'm going to be good to go for a long long while. ^_^
Before, I used to think relationships were the biggest deal in the world. Actually, I still do, but I always had this urgency to find one and to take the bull by the horns and give myself to the person to make them happy for the rest of their life like I was some sort of loyal protector of theirs or something. This always made me depressed because I always kept becoming a hopeless romantic all the time. Hell, it's my weak spot.
After returning to college in Rutgers, it's... just not there anymore. I feel like I have no more need to worry about relationships, looking for love, getting that happy movie ending with the love interest character. My goal to attain grad school just seems to devour it instead, and it feels great. Well, great aside from the less sleep and the constant runnign around, but that's what I get for living off-campus and commuting long hours.
I just don't feel that anymore; no more of that gaping hole inside of me. I still get disgusted seeing gropey couples together, but at the same time I just don't feel fits of jealousy anymore. I do feel a bit lonely since I don't really know anyone here to talk to on a regular basis and even the faculty barely know me... but that's a different level. I don't feel the need to pester for women: and it's like the greatest burden on my shoulders disappeared as a result.
When I think about it, I realize why: do you know how men always talk about being "tied down" by relationships? I would be like that. Not tied down in a way that would make me promiscuous or anything, but I'd be tied down pampering my mate over my own goals. If I found love that returned that affection now, well... I would probably dump it all just to go for it. It's hopelessly romantic, but it's also idiotic to the point of ridicule. I know I would do that though: I'm that kind of guy. Heck, I'd probably forget about all those other things that come with relationships, like the disagreements, the fights, the finances both spent in time and money just to be together...
Maybe this is what all the lonely people in the world need to do: they need to find a goal, desire to attain it, and fight for it with tooth and claw. I might just also be spouting hyperbole, but for once in the longest while, I just feel happy being single. Actual happy: like really freaking ecstatically happy. And you know what? I'm going to stay this way until the woman of my dreams comes up to me and starts to talk to me, and the chance of that isn't going to happen normally in a logical system considering the heuristics of male-female interaction, so I'm going to be good to go for a long long while. ^_^
