Another great review.
Oct. 16th, 2002 02:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zesty_pintoThis one is for "Reign of Fire." A major blowhole on the big screen. I hated the movie even though it did have good atmosphere. http://www.fadedatmovies.net/rf.html was where I got this review from.
So you actually want to know about the movie?… It was like this – Harry Potter goes
down a rabbit hole with his Mom and finds out that in London dragons live in rabbit holes. He learns it the hard way when this dragon drools out fire, spits a giant loogie at him, and kills his Mom. So the movie flashes Magazine Covers and News Clips as it brings you to the year 2020 where Dragons (ohh… scary…) have taken over the world which is on my top three list of Sucky Things right next to being sodomized and Kathy the Nerd. So everybody’s dead except for these people who live in an underground village in England. They’re led by the Harry Potter dude who's all grown up now and thinks he’s Darth Vader and rules the village like it’s the Death Star. Surprise... Surprise… After a decade some of the Brits realize it’s not the Death Star and want to leave. What happens? Toasted English Muffs… I mean Men. To fight the flying lizards the Brits use their latest technology and weapons. When they realize pitchforks, horses, and bebe guns just don’t cut it a bunch of Americans led by a steroid enhanced Matthew Mcunnawhatever show up and say, “Hey we got these tanks, machine guns, and a helicopter. Do you guys need help?” So Harry Vader replies, “The Death Star’s mine! We don’t need your help!” Then the Americans say, “What if I give you this really cool necklace with a Dragon tooth?” Then Darth Potter says, “Alrite, but no funny stuff or I’ll kill you with my bebe gun.”
Just like any World War the Americans figure out how to end the misery and let the Brits in on the secret. Turns out after staring at the blasted flying Godzilla rejects destroy the world for twenty years, they noticed that besides having swiss cheese for wings they have one major flaw. NONE OF THEM HAD A PENIS! What did that mean? There was one lucky Dragon with a Penis and a thousand others angry with Penis Envy. So kill the one with the Penis and there’ll be nothing left but childless lesbian dragon sex. So they went off to London chasing the Legendary Dragon Cock and Blah blah blah… Americans save the day… Brits have bad teeth… and the Cock Dragon gets it Lorena Bobbit style. Moral of the Story – A Penis can change the world.
So you actually want to know about the movie?… It was like this – Harry Potter goes
down a rabbit hole with his Mom and finds out that in London dragons live in rabbit holes. He learns it the hard way when this dragon drools out fire, spits a giant loogie at him, and kills his Mom. So the movie flashes Magazine Covers and News Clips as it brings you to the year 2020 where Dragons (ohh… scary…) have taken over the world which is on my top three list of Sucky Things right next to being sodomized and Kathy the Nerd. So everybody’s dead except for these people who live in an underground village in England. They’re led by the Harry Potter dude who's all grown up now and thinks he’s Darth Vader and rules the village like it’s the Death Star. Surprise... Surprise… After a decade some of the Brits realize it’s not the Death Star and want to leave. What happens? Toasted English Muffs… I mean Men. To fight the flying lizards the Brits use their latest technology and weapons. When they realize pitchforks, horses, and bebe guns just don’t cut it a bunch of Americans led by a steroid enhanced Matthew Mcunnawhatever show up and say, “Hey we got these tanks, machine guns, and a helicopter. Do you guys need help?” So Harry Vader replies, “The Death Star’s mine! We don’t need your help!” Then the Americans say, “What if I give you this really cool necklace with a Dragon tooth?” Then Darth Potter says, “Alrite, but no funny stuff or I’ll kill you with my bebe gun.”
Just like any World War the Americans figure out how to end the misery and let the Brits in on the secret. Turns out after staring at the blasted flying Godzilla rejects destroy the world for twenty years, they noticed that besides having swiss cheese for wings they have one major flaw. NONE OF THEM HAD A PENIS! What did that mean? There was one lucky Dragon with a Penis and a thousand others angry with Penis Envy. So kill the one with the Penis and there’ll be nothing left but childless lesbian dragon sex. So they went off to London chasing the Legendary Dragon Cock and Blah blah blah… Americans save the day… Brits have bad teeth… and the Cock Dragon gets it Lorena Bobbit style. Moral of the Story – A Penis can change the world.
