Someone smurfed me
Nov. 13th, 2003 03:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zesty_pinto-because I have the blues. Too much talk about relationships and the like does that once in awhile; I think I'm biting off more than I can chew sometimes and maybe I'll need to dislocate that jaw of mine just to swallow it all down and keep it in.
For some strange reason, as I think about it, I was packing up all my crap(my commute forces me to hike around campus with a 40lb. packframe, so enough said) when someone from one of my other classes said something to me and, well, considering my attention span when it comes to sounds and bright shiny objects, I listened. The woman and her friend seemed to have not done their homework for one of the classes that I was sharing with them (big whoop for me since I always do my homework right before the class; trust me, it's lazy, but it's a requisite class that bores me to tears).
So I tell her I didn't do it.
She's telling me her story about how she didn't either.
I reply that I usually just go to the library and get it figured out in there; usually it'll be pretty easy.
She mentions this chapter she found difficult.
I go, eh, I'll figure it out. If it's really bad then I come to class late.
She explains what some of the chapter is about.
I get a little anticipation from it at the thought that I was going to (shock!) do something new in the class for once, but then say that at the worst, it'll be okay.
There's a brief pause in the air that runs still despite the tumultuous rumble of a couple hundred students exchanging places with each other as they turn from class to class.
And then she says it's okay.
Now, it took me awhile to realize that there *might* have been other suggestions there. (Translator: it took the typist until the evening afterward to interpret it as possibly hinting something.) As a result, I feel confused even more than usual; did I just snub someone without realizing it?
This isn't exactly here for the purpose of why I feel blue; to be frank, the person seemed pretty and I have a nasty inclination for helping people, but I was too mentally-focused on other things to even realize this. I'm not even sure if it is though; I mean, the subtleties on the art of the relationship are a careful balance of planning, but along that fine balance, I tend to trample over it like the 6 foot barbarian I am. Sometimes it just scares me to death.
Last night I was so scared of being mentally clueless that I began to cry in my sleep, and I started to worry that I was exuding myself in a way that made myself too distant for anyone to reach. The tears were brief, for I slept well then (Translator: the typist never gets enough sleep).
Memories!
2001 - A 21 year old me works in the political economics branch in Tulane University, working as the office assistant. I end up performing gopher tasks by taking paychecks to one place or notes to another. I end up going into the English department building, upstairs to a History branch they have and meet this work-study student (she looked way too young to be staff) and I find her so stunning that I almost lose any sensation of words. She smiles at me with the polite business smile that I almost interpret as something else and I leave her the document, muster a few words of thanks, and then stammer my legs somewhere before I completely turn into a complete moron and say something like, "You're pretty". I end up so much in awe that I almost feel tempted to go up just to see her again, but then realize how stupid the situation sounds and instead cry myself to sleep at how ridiculous I am to even think of going for a person like that.
Memories of the dating game just bring up nuggets like that like some scraped offal. I.. dunno. I thought school would suppress me of it to the point where I could just retain being so clueless that the only way I would acknowledge someone in the way I'd look for a potential suitor is if they blatantly said it to me in my face. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Where's a roll of quarters and an arcade when you need it? :\
Anyway, public rant over; I'll try to write something. Again(I'm definitely in the right mood for it now).
For some strange reason, as I think about it, I was packing up all my crap(my commute forces me to hike around campus with a 40lb. packframe, so enough said) when someone from one of my other classes said something to me and, well, considering my attention span when it comes to sounds and bright shiny objects, I listened. The woman and her friend seemed to have not done their homework for one of the classes that I was sharing with them (big whoop for me since I always do my homework right before the class; trust me, it's lazy, but it's a requisite class that bores me to tears).
So I tell her I didn't do it.
She's telling me her story about how she didn't either.
I reply that I usually just go to the library and get it figured out in there; usually it'll be pretty easy.
She mentions this chapter she found difficult.
I go, eh, I'll figure it out. If it's really bad then I come to class late.
She explains what some of the chapter is about.
I get a little anticipation from it at the thought that I was going to (shock!) do something new in the class for once, but then say that at the worst, it'll be okay.
There's a brief pause in the air that runs still despite the tumultuous rumble of a couple hundred students exchanging places with each other as they turn from class to class.
And then she says it's okay.
Now, it took me awhile to realize that there *might* have been other suggestions there. (Translator: it took the typist until the evening afterward to interpret it as possibly hinting something.) As a result, I feel confused even more than usual; did I just snub someone without realizing it?
This isn't exactly here for the purpose of why I feel blue; to be frank, the person seemed pretty and I have a nasty inclination for helping people, but I was too mentally-focused on other things to even realize this. I'm not even sure if it is though; I mean, the subtleties on the art of the relationship are a careful balance of planning, but along that fine balance, I tend to trample over it like the 6 foot barbarian I am. Sometimes it just scares me to death.
Last night I was so scared of being mentally clueless that I began to cry in my sleep, and I started to worry that I was exuding myself in a way that made myself too distant for anyone to reach. The tears were brief, for I slept well then (Translator: the typist never gets enough sleep).
Memories!
2001 - A 21 year old me works in the political economics branch in Tulane University, working as the office assistant. I end up performing gopher tasks by taking paychecks to one place or notes to another. I end up going into the English department building, upstairs to a History branch they have and meet this work-study student (she looked way too young to be staff) and I find her so stunning that I almost lose any sensation of words. She smiles at me with the polite business smile that I almost interpret as something else and I leave her the document, muster a few words of thanks, and then stammer my legs somewhere before I completely turn into a complete moron and say something like, "You're pretty". I end up so much in awe that I almost feel tempted to go up just to see her again, but then realize how stupid the situation sounds and instead cry myself to sleep at how ridiculous I am to even think of going for a person like that.
Memories of the dating game just bring up nuggets like that like some scraped offal. I.. dunno. I thought school would suppress me of it to the point where I could just retain being so clueless that the only way I would acknowledge someone in the way I'd look for a potential suitor is if they blatantly said it to me in my face. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Where's a roll of quarters and an arcade when you need it? :\
Anyway, public rant over; I'll try to write something. Again(I'm definitely in the right mood for it now).
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There's still a chance.
Date: 2003-11-13 01:48 pm (UTC)Go for it. :)
Seriously. And smile you barbarian you!