I'm... Tired.

[zesty_pinto]

Someone read a comment I made about a conversation I had with a friend... he's been depressed about his relationship and how his girl is suffocating him since he almost has no more time for the hobbies he loves. I told him about how my other side of life involves me being somewhere outside it all entirely and how female logic just seems so screwy. Somewhere read it and...

geminae224: men make no sense!!!!
geminae224: cured of all logics!
zesty-pinto: ?
zesty-pinto: No, women make no sense
zesty-pinto: I put my life to bring happiness for a woman and she rejects it
zesty-pinto: The most I get is evanescent relationships
zesty-pinto: My friend on the other hand is looking for the opposite, and instead he ends up with overobsessive girlfriends
geminae224: well, your friend and you are two different people
geminae224: you cannot compare
geminae224: you act in diferent ways
zesty-pinto: Well either way, we're both stuck
zesty-pinto: I can't find a person, and he's always boxed in
geminae224: not really hopeful....settling, compromising is not always the best carse
zesty-pinto: Then what? Behave like an ass and just abuse women?
zesty-pinto: I've spent my life hating those type of men
geminae224: no, behave normally, and not treat women as if they were from another planet
zesty-pinto: I do!
geminae224: lmao
zesty-pinto: I'm normally like this around people. If they act flirtatious then I'll reply with flirtation as well and have to assume it means something
zesty-pinto: Do you expect me to have it mean nothing
zesty-pinto: ?
zesty-pinto: If anything ,respect just means they think they can step over me
zesty-pinto: And I'm tired of that
geminae224: does not have to mean anything, depends on a case, you cannot generalise
zesty-pinto: I have to generalize
zesty-pinto: Every woman I've seen and met has done the same thing to me
zesty-pinto: I'm tired of it. I'm just tired
geminae224: well.......have you ever stopped to think ( and i am not saying its all your fault) that there is a pattern in your behaviour with women, not pattern in all the women's behaviour?
zesty-pinto: Yeah, I talk with them, I help them try to figure out their issues since I do that normally with friends, and then when I think they need the comfort, I offer, and they reject
zesty-pinto: And when I think they need the comfort, they practically say it. They talk about how a guy ruined their life and how they're being abused.
geminae224: well, for one thing, you should not make a stand as a friend if you are actually looking for a g/f. two completely opposite things!
zesty-pinto: Then what? Just flat out say I like them and have them get all stranged out because I seem like a stalker?
geminae224: and the strange thing is that women dont like to feel powerful around men, they like to feel week
zesty-pinto: Exactly, I have to behave like a jerk
zesty-pinto: I have to be an asshole to these people, when I'd rather not
geminae224: well.......if you act like a frind from a start, then they will lookn at you that way only, and never even think of you in different terms
zesty-pinto: Great. In other words relationships are messed up from the beginning
geminae224: the same way the brain of all the guys work
geminae224: well.......its the same thing
geminae224: lol
zesty-pinto: Not really. I've been wanting to find someone who is like me if anything, not "superior" to me
zesty-pinto: Or someone that just needs the help
geminae224: if i meet a gy, and behave "normally", just chat with him over a beer, he will be all buddy-buddy with me, asking for my friends phone number or something like that. if i act like a bitch, he is all over me
geminae224: lol
zesty-pinto: Bah
geminae224: the same with all ppl
zesty-pinto: Not with me
zesty-pinto: I want a relationship, a full fleshed relationship with someone that I think would be a great companion
zesty-pinto: Not this sort of game of battering horns against each other
zesty-pinto: This just sounds... ridiculous
geminae224: well, thats rare, and even very often said, also very rarely truly ment
zesty-pinto: I mean it. For all the nights where I have woken up having nightmares of being old and alone, I wish it
zesty-pinto: I've lost too many friends before to time. I want someone that I can have as that friend for the longest times
zesty-pinto: Otherwise, I fear what truths will come in the end
zesty-pinto: I can rage against it, but I can only rage so long
geminae224: thats always the ideal picture, but admit that its not the "friend for all times " you look for when checking out chicks around you...lol.....and making a move on one of them
zesty-pinto: Really? Then why do you think I try to find women online instead of in real life?
geminae224: i was wondering about that
geminae224: lol
zesty-pinto: Because I want people for their mind
zesty-pinto: -that's why.
zesty-pinto: Looks aren't everything, and I know that. What good are looks when you are old?
zesty-pinto: I'd rather their mind
geminae224: but also they are all not actually real ppl you can have relationship with,they are ppl you dont have to commit to, or make any real contact....
zesty-pinto: The looks will make it easier, but it's far from everything
zesty-pinto: And that is why after I am attracted I try to make real contact with them
geminae224: adn?
geminae224: results?
zesty-pinto: And they end up shunning away because I am seen as nothing more than as another face in the internet
zesty-pinto: I bet you probably think I'm B.S.ing, but I've thought about it
zesty-pinto: And that is my conclusion. It took time to get used to the looks thing, but I got over it enough to help in the gap
zesty-pinto: It's a perpetual waste. A perpetual. Human. Waste.
geminae224: sorry
geminae224: moofed
geminae224: there??
zesty-pinto: Yeah... just annoyed
geminae224: at?
zesty-pinto: At the entire concept of this
geminae224: lol......this being?
zesty-pinto: You know what I mean
geminae224: well....there is no concept, no plan or scheme....you make the rules as you play....and you can never be immune to it
zesty-pinto: Then the best way to be outside the game entirely
zesty-pinto: Thank you, you have shown me the way after all rofl
geminae224: lmao
geminae224: that is hardly possible to happen
zesty-pinto: It is if I castrate myself
geminae224: lmao
geminae224: you will only make it harder
geminae224: nothing else
zesty-pinto: No, it'll be easier
zesty-pinto: I won't have sexual hormones anymore
zesty-pinto: And then I could live my life outside the stupid circle
zesty-pinto: It's either that or I just treat women like an asshole
zesty-pinto: Thank you for telling me
zesty-pinto: At least now I know the truth. At least now I know what I have to do to avenge the years of my own personal anguish
geminae224: telling you what>?
zesty-pinto: And now I also know why domestic violence is so common
geminae224: lmao
zesty-pinto: And why there is so many other messed up truths of life. It's all explained now

It is. In order to find happiness I have to become the very thing I hated, I despised, I have wanted to destroy in mankind for the longest time. It explains it. It explains too too much of my life, of other people's lives, of the sad reality of it. I don't want to become Machiavellian and agree that the ends will justify the means, because in this case it's bullshit! The whole relationship thing is BULLSHIT. People I have envied for relationships have followed BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT!!!

...someone remove my gender please... I don't want any more of this.

Comments

[samunderani.livejournal.com]

look, i hate to relate everything back to me, but it's all i know. my boyfriend isn't an asshole, and he's not asexual. he's caring and considerate and knows we're equal. he likes me for my personality, my mind, me.. certainly not my body or my bitchiness. maybe you're just meeting the wrong girls..

Re:

[zesty-pinto.livejournal.com]

Funny how I find them everywhere then, eh? Funny how the game of life plays a nice little fate that pushes me into a perpetual pattern of this, huh? Funny how I have been trying to be the good man in a storm when all I've received in return is the scorn and disdain and rejection and the realization that this is a farce I've been living.

No more. I'm angry at mankind. I'll be busy killing my conscience.

Re:

[samunderani.livejournal.com]

i'm a girl and i was never awful to you..was i?

Re:

[zesty-pinto.livejournal.com]

No, you weren't. It doesn't change the fact that it's happened so many times before though.

Re:

[samunderani.livejournal.com]

optimistic realism.

that's all.

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[zesty-pinto.livejournal.com]

Ten years. Is that long enough?

[samunderani.livejournal.com]

as long as it takes. never give up.

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[zesty-pinto.livejournal.com]

Wooo. Someone will come when I'm a hundred. Fun for me. It will take 75 years for a woman to realize I'm interesting.

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[zesty-pinto.livejournal.com]

Just don't worry about me. I'll make do with my life.

[alouqua0.livejournal.com]

I think I agree with the other person, maybe you're just meeting the wrong girls. Maybe there's a reason for it. I remeber you talking about fate...so I know you believe in it. Maybe fate has tried to teach you a lesson to better you as a person? I don't know, this could all very well be bullshit...Don't lose hope yet though. There is someone out there for you and you will find her when the time is right.*hugs you*

[socialclone.livejournal.com]

Aye, my dear, you've named the very reason I *wanted* to be alone for so long. I've been afraid I'd end up with some asshole. All I've ever wanted is an equal in life. Someone I could grow old with. Someone who'd love me for me, and not try to dominate me or change me. Someone who would love me even if I was 500lbs. Someone who'll love my every pimple and every flaw. I didn't think such a person existed. Until now. It seems like bullshit, but the real bullshit is the stuff like this that's streaming from the shallow types that tend to dominate the planet. It's a sick, sad world, yes, but it's not rotten to the core. If a girl like me can find someone to be her equal then certainly you can as well.

If you are 75 and still alone you can come live with Anton and I. :D I doubt he'd mind. We could be 3 old farts sitting around being old and talking about all the new cricks we have. It'd be fun! :D

Re:

[zesty-pinto.livejournal.com]

Woo hoo! I'll take that offer :D