Learning to Projectile Vomit, Sleep Dep, and Other Things I Forgot to Talk About

[zesty_pinto]

On one return from the second job, I came back feeling sick. I mean, *sick*. I had found a plate of unfinished chicken fingers and fries in the trash along with fried mushrooms and I felt like it was a waste, so I ate it.

I know for most folks, this is a bad idea. There are germs, there could be something tainting the food. I agree.

I also hate seeing food left to waste like that though and it was in its own container, sealed away from any tampering.

The night afterwards, I felt my stomach swell with aches. Two Peptos and back to bed. Nope, more tossing and turning.

I realized what I needed to do and, in my exhausted lurch, I tried to vomit.

Now, here's the thing about this act: I haven't had things go up my throat in decades. I mean, serious decades. If our bodies are designed to be fancy dirt straws, mine has a valve that was designed to never reverse flow.

So like someone breaking the warranty seal on the back of their laptop, I sat bowl-legged in front of the porcelain deity and repented one wretching heave at a time.

The first time was nothing.
The second only made me realize I needed to try harder.
The third time finally got me to feel something rumble up.
Fourth had me feel like I was filling something: just one more run.
After that, with eyes closed, I squeezed out a mouthful of my stomach contents. A smell and flavor that felt too cryptically familiar filled over me with a texture that I did not want to remember. One flush and mouthwash. I went to bed, Michelle asked me if everything was all right. "It's fine," I assured her and lied down in the long dark.

It was not fine.

I returned to the bathroom. It was not enough. I opened the lid. There was too much within still.

This time it was easier, like riding a bike. It wasn't a mouthful this time, It didn't sit in my mouth. It ejected itself, it departed into a bowl in a combination of smells and shame that quickly left with a push of the flusher and a rinse of the mouth.

This time I was done. The exhaustion was getting too me. I told Michelle that if this happens again, I'm just going to sleep in the other room since keeping her up all night was unfair to her. She told me it sounded awful. I didn't want to tell her that it felt bad too.

It was not enough.

Half an hour and I ran to the bathroom. It wanted to leave. It was an exodus, a violent upheaval in my body, a grand gesture of liquid and solid that demanded to go. The third effort was nothing but, and I had to bite down on my lips to make sure nothing left me until I found the porcelain throne and upended what remained until all that was left were the bones and skin and resignation. I upheld my promise and tried to find sleep in another room and finally lay my fetal position beneath some sheets.

I spent the morning after apparently not looking too different from the day before. My head though was a mess, and I wanted to stay home if I wasn't already promising so much to do.

Anyway, this is how I spent my last day before the New Year. Happy 2020?

Comments

[queenhera]

I had bad food poisoning while on a weekend break in December, so I can empathise with a very fresh memory of what this is like. The suddenly having to run to find somewhere to throw up, ah yes, fun times.

I want to make a bad joke and say that this is symbolic of you throwing out all the bad/poisonous stuff from 2019 as you go into 2020...

[zesty_pinto]

I mean, you wouldn't be wrong!

[ssterchaos]

Oh, that sucks! I hate to hear that you were so ill. I just cannot get over the fact that you ate trash food though... I mean, I'm not judging. But even though you don't like wasting food (and believe me, I don't either!), you really thought it was an okay idea to eat it?

I agree with the comment above, maybe it was out with the old and in with the new... Hope you're feeling better and that you've come to grips with the fact that you're not a raccoon. ;)

[zesty_pinto]

Yeah, I know. It was not my finest hour. It annoys me though to see food wasted like that, though. I'm not doing that again though. I think.

[padhopper]

Not gonna read this one.

[zesty_pinto]

Trust me, I'm glad you listened to the warning. It's not my proudest moment, but it certainly was a dramatic one that I know I'm going to have to live with.