(no subject)
Oct. 9th, 2002 11:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zesty_pintoReiteration.
Do not think of my personal proposal with myself a plea of despondency. If anything, I consider this a sign that I'm doing something wrong and that somewhere along the divine order I screwed up somewhere. I will explain in detail.
For the longest time, I have been single as I have stated. Unlike for some, though, I have been trying to stop being single since I've had my share of troubles (I'll turn my previous entry from private to public so you'll understand more). While for those of you that have found joy, I am happy for you; ecstatic even since it is proof that you can find that sort of happiness. For me, however, I know I cannot through showing. Whenever I tried to force, I ended up losing, whenever I was passive, I ended up returning back to square one.
This show of being unable to be accepted is one of the many reasons why I believe in higher order simply because I will admit that most women I talk to say I should find that someone even though I have been permanently branded with the mark of singularity. I know there has to be a reason for this, and I doubt it is to think that whatever powers there are are cruel ones. There is something in the way, and I know I have to find it and conquer it or else nothing will change, even if it means I never conquer it in the end.
This is my new quest. I must find more introspection in myself and purge myself of women again. I know I am doomed to fail, but remember that I also believe I'm two poles of introspection that should never have been allowed. Until I find myself again through all this... I know I will have to follow it.
"All I really want to say,
is you're the reason I want to stay
But destiny is calling me
and my time is up again
So I'm... out of here!
I love you good bye"
-Ben Folds Five (slightly mangled in lyrics)
Anywho, that's my two cents.
Do not think of my personal proposal with myself a plea of despondency. If anything, I consider this a sign that I'm doing something wrong and that somewhere along the divine order I screwed up somewhere. I will explain in detail.
For the longest time, I have been single as I have stated. Unlike for some, though, I have been trying to stop being single since I've had my share of troubles (I'll turn my previous entry from private to public so you'll understand more). While for those of you that have found joy, I am happy for you; ecstatic even since it is proof that you can find that sort of happiness. For me, however, I know I cannot through showing. Whenever I tried to force, I ended up losing, whenever I was passive, I ended up returning back to square one.
This show of being unable to be accepted is one of the many reasons why I believe in higher order simply because I will admit that most women I talk to say I should find that someone even though I have been permanently branded with the mark of singularity. I know there has to be a reason for this, and I doubt it is to think that whatever powers there are are cruel ones. There is something in the way, and I know I have to find it and conquer it or else nothing will change, even if it means I never conquer it in the end.
This is my new quest. I must find more introspection in myself and purge myself of women again. I know I am doomed to fail, but remember that I also believe I'm two poles of introspection that should never have been allowed. Until I find myself again through all this... I know I will have to follow it.
"All I really want to say,
is you're the reason I want to stay
But destiny is calling me
and my time is up again
So I'm... out of here!
I love you good bye"
-Ben Folds Five (slightly mangled in lyrics)
Anywho, that's my two cents.
