Mandrashard, Revise sample

[zesty_pinto]

            The streets were busy like they always were, filled with people that could not care what the weather was in the city of Gathran, let alone any other place. She had stepped into her master’s shop with a cloak heavy with rain. A child was standing next to her Master Lehwin. Master Lehwin gave her the usual fair look of contempt and bemusement. The hood of her cloak was heavy and leaking into the wooden floor, making a small mess. Everything began on a day heavy with clouds and rain.
            “Ah, Nym!” He said with his usual promptness “prepare some tea for our guest.”
            Nym blinked, then looked down at the boy and quickly saw how the boy carried a bound sword that hung on his back and reached to his thigh. The boy turned his sandy light brown hair to face her with large pale blue eyes, much paler than her own. Then the boy bowed and she quickly realized their guest was not a boy. It was the first time she had ever met the dwarf.
              “She is a clever one to see who I was,” the dwarf said with a smile as he sat on his chair with a relaxed stiffness “I should tell you how hard it was to find a driver that would take me this far.” He then turned to wink a soft eyebrow at her. She was standing by the wall properly as her master always instructed her when in the presence of guests.
            Master Lehwin gave a gentle snicker as he took his teacup from the plate he held to sip the tea that she had prepared in the way that he always asked it to be made. When he lowered the cup from his lips to his plate, he then said “Yes, she is a fine apprentice.” Nym looked away from him when he said it. Compliments always embarrassed her.
            “So I see,” she heard the dwarf say. The dwarf’s voice was not at all like a child’s, but sounded like a voice that bordered between childish and manhood.
The dwarf took a cookie that she prepared and ate it without a thought like a child. Master Lehwin was returning to his tea, fixating his bluish-gray eyes into the clean white porcelain his fingers held. As she saw Master Lehwin tip the cup up to its last drop, she stepped up as quickly as possible and attempted to politely refill his cup before returning to the wall. He did not give a remark as she did this, but Nym did not want one either.
            “So is this why you invited me to tea?” The young dwarf asked as he leaned his head closer to the table.
            Master Lehwin widened the smile he gave the youthful dwarf “You would know me enough to know why I have done this. Believe it or not, I do have duties to attend to in this town.”
            The dwarf shook his child-like head in an accepting disbelief “I suppose people do change.” He gave a sigh and then slipped in, “What of the other offer?”
            “The other offer?” Master Lehwin said with a blink. He slumped back into his chair for a moment and then replaced the porcelain onto the table and sighed.
            “I see some things fail to change after all,” the dwarf added with a snicker like a conceited child. Master Lehwin did not seem to react to the dwarf’s remark, but instead looked back at him fairly.
            “Are you still the same little man I know?” Master Lehwin said this looking up at the ceiling for a moment, as though in some strange thought.
            “I am that,” the dwarf replied lightly.
            Master Lehwin stood up quietly, then stared directly back at her.
“Nym.”
The call to attention scared her enough to make her almost jump up in fear, but she looked obediently towards him as she was told “You are excused. Please attend to your studies for now. Oh, and do not worry about cleaning up, either.” Nym gave a polite bow and then stepped out of the room. Something was strange, though. It was one of the few times she ever saw her Master Lehwin speak to her without a smile.
            It was still raining when Nym went to her room. The rain gave the room an appearance of early dawn, so Nym took an old candle that was already on the desk, raised her hand above the wrinkled candle, and focused an image of fire; red with a yellow core containing a black core of char, all of it wiggling like a poked worm. The candle’s old wick silently lit into a cold light. Nym sat down to her already open tome.
            The Art was something that involved focus. As she read through the tome many times before, construction involved focusing the senses into creation. The more senses involved in the creation, the more powerful the focus can become and the greater effects that can be created from using the Art.
            Nym put her hand over the lonely candle’s flame and felt a trickle of heat escaping. She had done it so many times that it did not seem to activate anything in her mind. Nym could do simple tasks with the Art that most apprentices could do if they put their mind to it, but only because she could put her vision into it. There was something in the way that barred her from focusing other senses. According to one of Master Lehwin’s guests, it was laziness from things like dreams.
             Dreams are one of the most foolish things people latched onto. Within the Collegiate before her apprenticeship, dreams were told to be one of the things that made focusing one’s Arts improper and, of course, Nym was no exception. Every instructor she had the grace of learning the basics from told her that, so it was obviously true. The basics were what she could do, but the basics were never enough. They often advised her it was because of her dreams getting in the way.
A dream disrupts one’s own memory of form. Even the youngest promising apprentice-to-be was taught against this and it was assumed that a girl at her age should have already been old enough to tell from experience alone. After all, even when one looked outside the books and teachings and into the lives of the menial, who were the ones that were the dreamers?
The lazy. The mentally unfit. The primitive.
This was why every student of the Art should also learn the value of reality.
Every time Nym sat in her room like she did at the moment, Nym would chide herself that this was reality and that reality required focus. The tool of her focus, a heavy book bound with cold leather, lay lazily on her desk. The book was open where she usually opened it since she had opened it so many times there that it refused to open at any other place.
Slowly, Nym began to read quietly at the section it was open on: the shaping and forming of creation. The words were comfortably in her head as she read them, but the words never seemed to be ones that she was capable of following.
The proper intonation can be made with a two-part focal component which would allow form. Once you attain form, concentration in maintaining shape becomes should become an easy task.
It was an easy task. Master Lehwin shown it to her many times, many times. Why she did not seem to understand only frustrated her, but as she finished reading that snippet was when Nym was surprised with a knock on her door. Master Lehwin never knocked.
Nym stood up, then she smoothed the hems of her blue dress and looked at the darkened door.
“Come in,” Nym hoped it did not sound too impassive.
The door opened and the childish dwarf stepped in with the gait of a noble’s. He looked up to her with large eyes and bowed his head in a soft nod.
“I hope I am not intruding, madame Nym,” the dwarf commented.
“You are not, good sir.” Nym knew what to say in the company of others, though she could not help but feel like she was staring at the pale-skinned manchild more than she would have liked. Nym turned down to gaze at her clasped fingers instead.
“That is good to know. Lehwin has told me you are a very studious pupil of his, perhaps the most studious one he has had.” She could hear him snicker and a thought of the man’s smile appeared in her mind from back when he was conversing with Master Lehwin “Allow me to introduce yourself.”
The man took a few more steps forward. She could hear it and then see the tips of his feet. He bowed down smoothly, making her see the dwarf’s somewhat mussed head of hair. He then looked up and she was assaulted by his smooth childish features and his childish smile. In reflex, Nym  took a step back. Orven then laughed loudly like a child that made her wonder if he really was a dwarf and not some prank.
“Forgive me, but you seemed like you were staring too intently into your thumbs. I know that dwarves tend to be viewed with suspicion, sometimes mistaken for children, but never avoided from eye contact.”
The dwarf knew. Nym bowed as much as possible, and that was when she felt the dwarf’s warm hand on her shoulder like it was a snake ready to bite. She wanted to jump, but forced herself down. This person was certainly one of Master Lehwin’s stranger guests, but was still a guest. He was still a guest.
“There is no need for bowing. I don’t take well to seeing people do it too often without them making me wonder if there was something they wanted from me.” His hand thankfully pulled away and Nym felt safe again “Please, take a seat.”
It was a strange request, but she did as he said. The dwarf continued standing, the handle of a sword sticking out by his shoulder like some sort of pet. She almost thought for a moment that the man would draw that sword, but to her relief all he did was continue standing and looking around the room.
“Do you have any questions for me?” The dwarf offered her with a strangely pleasant smile.
Nym shook her head. At this, the dwarf shifted his eyes curiously like he wanted to test her.
“I see… are you sure?”
Nym shook her head again. Why he did this was a curiosity, perhaps it was an actual test by Master Lehwin. The dwarf thankfully shrugged his shoulders instead, to her relief.
“It is as well. Very well, if you do not have any questions then I will offer you some answers.” He then bowed before her in a full bow like that to a noblewoman “I am Orven, or Ha’da’pol’k as those of my bloodline say.” He then stood up again “As you can see, I am a dwarf, or mountain child, as some like to call us. I imagine from your previous behavior that this is the first time you have seen a dwarf.” Nym tried to hold back the heat that flushed to her cheeks when he said that. He did not seem to find it interesting or pretend not to notice and then continued “I am actually on a journey and I need an apprentice to help me in finding something. Lehwin was someone that I have had a long history with and he recommended me to you.” The room became quiet again “Do you know why?”
Nym shook her head, looking away towards her window.
“Have you ever traveled before, Nym?”
Nym hesitated for a moment, and then shook her head. The rain continued to pour outside. She looked back at the childlike man.
“I see…” The dwarf looked away for a moment. Nym could see his clean features “Lehwin thinks you have spent more time in those books than you should. After all, being an apprentice is more than errands and books, don’t you think?” He did not wait for her to respond, but then looked at her with that offensive smile “that is why he wants to have me take you with me to help with a task of sorts. Of course, he would come too but you know how busy he can be since you’re the one that helps with all his schedules as I recall?”
Hym hesitated again. Orven shook his young head and sighed.
“I do not know how he can handle you at times, staying so quiet for so long.”
Nym looked to her hands again that she kept to her waist.
“I’m sorry…”
“You will have to speak louder once in awhile, Nym. No one will hear you otherwise.”
“I’m sorry.” She said it while looking at Orven this time. Orven shook his young head again.
“I suppose that will have to do.” Orven smiled this time, trying to be polite.
“I’m sorry.”
“Enough. I heard you the second time.” He chuckled to his own joke and then looked around the room again.
“Pack what you think is necessary. We will leave tomorrow. Since you look as though you have not done much walking, I suppose I will need to get you a cane as well. That is, unless you have experienced holding a weapon?”
Nym blinked and felt the embarrassment rise back to her face. At this Orven made more noise.
“I did not imagine so.” Orven then turned away “This will make things easier, do not worry. Be sure to have everything ready. In the meantime, I suggest you give yourself some time to rest. No one can focus properly if they spend all their time in their books.”