"Tales from the Dragon's Tooth"

[zesty_pinto]

"The Dragon's Tooth! A lone mountain over a range of mountains that surround a lovely valley filled with woods and rivers and prosperous farmland, many an adventurer has come here seeking fame and fortune and prosperity, and not all of them return the same way they came. There is always need for an able sword in these parts for a stranger so long as their cause is just and their swordhand a good one! I have seen many great heroes to be come this way seeking fame and glory come and go through these parts, the Dragon's Tooth..."

"That's nice and all, now CAN I GET MY ROOM?!"

"O-oh, ahhh... three gold."

He was a soldier from a foreign land. The sword on his back belonging to a long-killed father, he came here seeking fame and glory to find the power he needed to avenge his dead family with the name of his father upon his brand... Avelyn. His brash eyes looked wildly about the room, always with a careful reproach to arm his first blow and the hand on his sword to be his second.

But this story was never about him. No, this story was about the man he was seeking to find right at this very moment right now. In about...

"To tell you the truth, I got this sword from the dealer at the corner not from me da. He's a fishmonger three days to the South in-"

Go away! Oh forget it.

Melnion was his name. Master Melnion, the owner of an apothecary in the nearby merchant district. For the nameless swordsman, it would be easy to get there, just a left and three blocks past the wicker's.

Master Melnion was a kind man... so long as you allowed your purse to speak. A man of the world, his girth was very much like it, round and full of many wonders that would kill most men. Many people saw enough just from his lard-enriched face. His breath wielded the power of fifty garlics, three leeks, and the capacity of three flasks of wine. A true beast in himself, he was feared by many, especially those who served under him save the bravest. This particular story tells a story of the time when he was tricked by his own greed.

Now, I am told that somewhere in some strange portion of the existence that sages call "The Prime," there are places that are primitive in the foulest states. Some of them so primitive that they have to use devices to make up for their lack of magic. Personally, I find this to be as believable as the midget that told me about his night with three concubines and a seal: magic here is everywhere, and without it how could you clean your room? How could you take care of a baby while chatting with the next-door housewife? Most importantly, how can you expect to cleave a two headed gorgon when your weapon does not even have the magic to keep it together should the steel actually go faulty? Exactly, proof that such a world would be either nonexistent, or a very cruel world indeed.

Anyway, there was one day Master Melnion had had the chance to sell several of his most expensive potions and scrolls to a band of traveling adventurers. Apparently they had come here to find the usual fame and fortune from the most dangerous of all the monster-filled caverns: "The Cavern of Abyssmal-". After seeing off the adventurers and wishing them the usual good luck and all that sort of thing you expect commoners to do for adventurers, he set off to take the shortcuts that merchants and noncombatitive townspeople and travelers normally took when they needed to get to a place without having to rob defenseless but homely creatures of their pocket change.

You see, Melnion was one of those clever merchants that usually frequented nearby dungeons of horrors and the like. He knew the value of life and death to the adventurer (34%, 45.667% if the person is poisoned, doubled if the damage is something that threatens permanent damage) and raised his prices to reflect that by being nearby. Usually he ended up winning through bartering and winning magical weapons with five to fifty times the value of the potions he sold them in return.

Now, there was something special about the "Cavern of Abysmal-" that prevented other merchants from taking Master Melnion's spot: The cavern itself was surrounded by the Gloomwood forest. Previous merchants that pass by must pay the toll of crossing by three angry trolls and their union agent. You see, ever since the Incident of Bridgefold where one of their finest maintenance workers was killed by three goats, they always have a union agent to make sure that all things go according to plan or at least to replace any lost workers in case they get robbed by angry adventurers as usually does happen in these harsh human lands. Most merchants usually can't pay the fees of crossing so are kept back. Fortunately for Melnion, however, he was an advocate for the unionizing of Troll Workers so was also granted all the benefits of a union person except without the need to pay the monthly union fees, including crossing all the bridges you can want for free.

After passing the bridge, he set up his place about three feet into the cavern. Beyond that was considered a danger zone. Now, even in dungeons and dark holes a monster will attack someone no matter who it is: in fact, ask any agency and they will confirm it since it runs as standard as most contracts. This place, however, was given a ward from clerics to seal off the evil from spreading outside of it and reducing land value around the area. Anything or anyone that went beyond the seal, however, was usually fair game.

Master Melnion was waiting for the adventurers to come back with his usual supply of goods and then saw some of them come back, but it was while being chased by a large evil monster that usually eats hapless adventurers. As he saw them approach, he could hear them screaming "Help! Help!" and "Throw us a potion!" He knew the policy though and just waited for them to come his way instead.

He actually was hoping they would come quickly. He hated going past the mark. The last time he did he ended up getting a nasty rash and he really was not one for that sort of thing.

Unfortunately, he watched the party get smashed into a wall into a bloody mess. He hated that sort of thing more because it meant it had to be all recleaned and reshone, which was even more of a pain. Anyway, the monster was tired and bored so went away since it did not find him interesting since he was not attackable nor very attractive. Once it did, the fat man soon walked past the boundary and started picking out the remaining items and then walked back.

Unfortunately, he was so busy picking out items that he did not realize that he was surrounded by a handful of very evil monsters that would normally kill the inexperienced of adventurers with a simple bat of the eye. When he did not know what to do, he fell to the ground in a heap and cried since he was about to die and not get a bounty sent out on these monsters at once.

But they never did that. No, noticing how evil he was, they took him in into the land of Monsters. He was given the chance to write himself up as a citizen, which he eagerly did out of desperation to be alive. After some time, he soon found himself greatly enjoying it and realized that for all this time, it was not the need to be rich that made him happy, but killing stupid adventurers who think they can make money by killing things. In time, he soon became a leader of the monsters and was soon inaugurated into office as a member of their esteemed high council.

"This story is terrible. I can't continue."

"Shush, I paid you to do this story!"

"Yes, you paid me with three bottles of bad wine and a loaf of bread."

"Fine, I'll make it three loaves of bread then."

"Deal!"

This is why I am seeking out bands of great adventurers from near and far out to remove this terrible being. Soon he may gain power to destroy the world! The bounty of fame and glory and all the treasures that he stole from previous adventurers is yours if you slay this beast and take his bronze key from a trophy as proof of his death.

"Bronze key?"

"It's the only key to his safe. Did you think that as the helper to that lard of man that after all the times I had to do help for him that I would run this place without any of his old funds, let alone the damned deed?!"

"Good point."

Funeral expenses not compensated, but first twenty get a free potion of extreme healing. Come now and fast!