"Ever Longing"
Dec. 12th, 2002 03:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zesty_pintoA story about a guy who never gets the girl he wants, and his journey through life tryin to get her [Eliminate2]
-
He remembered since childhood.
"Would you ever marry me if I grew up?"
He would have said "I don't like girls" to her if she wasn't a neighbor he played with years ago. Instead, his remark-
"Yeah, but I want to be the daddy!"
She laughed that earnest laugh of children "Silly, you'd only be a daddy if we had a baby!" He laughed with her, the heat in his cheeks from embarrasment and then they went back to playing.
It was crystal clear in his head. As clear as the chime of a bell; a wedding bell, chiming clearly, consistently. When he came out of the dream that recured in his head once every few months, Alexander Adelstein would find the sound to only have been his alarm clock.
-
The 6 line downtown was always crowded at rush hour. Compressed at a limit of 60 people in a 50 people car, Alex was in his long coat, compressed between a man with one hand on a handlebar and the other on a cellphone; behind him, an Asian man with a bag on his pack to easily be where he put all his wares before he started his street vending. To the sides, the slightly more comfortable people that sat down, without elbow room but certainly much more breathing room than what he was offered. He stood pressed erect in the middle.
As he walked out of the dirty concrete steps up, through the tile of the cobble floor of the subway's walkways, up another set of dirty stairs occupied by tossed food wrappings, he would arise around Wall Street, and before he would walk in, his eyes would spot a figure, a female figure. Not a slim slithe one that adorned magazines, not a bulky overweight one that adorned help ads. This one was familiar, yet as he turned his head to look, he couldn't help but feel disappointed at not seeing what he had hoped for.
"Yeah, she's not much of a looker," said Ted as he walked backwards, taking a long look at her "Nice ass though." He turned to Alex, put out the hand, and they did the formal shake, followed by the informal ritual pulling of the fingers, and the release, to bunt their knuckled against one-another "Old Teddy's got us for a surprise conference today."
Alex groaned as he walked, shaking his head with the heavy despondency expected after an exhaustive squishing he had through the train. The conference was only another reason to stiffen his already stressed system. Granted, the chairs were three times more comfortable than his office, there would be some drinks and he could get a nice hot bagel fresh from the cafeteria's bakery, but the thought of sitting through a five hour meeting was no different from his university days when he was stuck in a class for four hours just to take notes with two hundred other nameless people.
"Hey hey, don't be so glum!" Ted gave his usual business smile. Marketing folks like him were trained to smile for anyone whenever it meant business. He kept his around Alex just out of habit "Monica will be there. You know, I know you don't like to mix business with pleasure and all, but I heard you two hit it off good."
"I guess." All he remembered was talking with her, paying for her drinks, and a large emptiness beyond that.
"She said you were a perfect gentleman. I don't know how you do it..."
They were now standing in the lobby waiting for one of the six elevators to come pick them up, past the half-lethargic security officer that sat behind his desk and phone and clipboard and twelve monitors that looked over random parts of the elevator and the elevator entrances. In the time necessary for the elevator to touch down to the floor and tell in a satisfying ring that they were in the mezanine. No one was inside the elevator, so the two men took careless steps forward as they continued their one-sided discussion.
"How I do what?"
"How do you hold yourself down around the hottest girl in the office?"
"We're just friends, nothing else."
"She's saying something else about you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, she thinks you're the hottest thing since the cellphone."
"...the cellphone."
"Okay, that was in her words; bad analogy I know, but still-"
The elevator rang its electronic ring to denote that they were on the 22nd floor as they asked it for, and the two walked out as soon as the two silver doors slid open for them.
"-this is Monica we're talking about."
A figure walked by with something like the last girl, his head turn for a moment, but he didn't see what he was looking for so turned back.
"Again with this! Look at you!"
Alex stopped abruptly, pulling back Ted as though they were bound by leash and collar. He blinked and tilted his head down again, the heavy gel in his head refusing to budge his groomed hair. Ted rolled his eyes.
"You know what I mean Alex."
"Of course I do, but what's the point?" He continued walking, not too noting of Ted next to him, but still with an open ear as they passed the glass windows of offices and the cloth covered frames of khaki cubicles.
"The point is that people are going to start wondering about you. Don't you ever know what it means to go out and hit it along?"
"I'm not that old, Ted. God, you're starting to sound like my dad."
"Hey, hey, brother. I love you like a brother, you know that."
"Yeah, yeah, I know... I'm just-" he stopped himself, rapped against the dark chestnut of a double door as he heard a muffled clicking noise freeing the lock to the meeting. He opened the door, walked in, and held the door behind him as he spun around to face his buddy, his eyes still emotionally even.
He got to avoid questions that day, and possibly more. The "promotion" to management in one of the new offices in the Midwest U.S. I can just taste the mashed potatoes and corn biscuits he kept thinking with a distaste as he packed bags in his lush 18th floor apartment, located not too far from East Central Park. If they wanted to blow me off without the risk of working for some competition, then they should have at least been nice enough to let me live in a goddamn city.
13 hours, ten phone calls, three bottles of beer, three packets of peanuts and a can of Coke later, he stepped off a plane and into Winsconsin. The city seemed nice to him, but as he took his preregistered company car and followed the instructions he printed out on his computer back in his previous home, he had three hours of driving until he would finally reach his new home.
It took four hours and thirteen minutes from an inability to tell side roads apart. As he drove against some of them, though, he wished the company car would have been an S.U.V. after seeing some of the country roads that branched off. He found home to be an enclosed residential area called Anderson Acres, an almost self-contained private residence for the more succesful young and old retirees that already earned their life's expected value a year ago and now fill in their new time with tennis and various things straight out of "The Great Gatsby." Being a person that actually had to earn most of his life, though, Alex couldn't help but feel disgusted at the atmosphere, nice though it was.
"Two-oh-two... two-oh-four... two-oh-three...!" He said in identification at the number plates placed against the mailboxes outside each house he passed by. Alex parked the black car into a driveway and looked around. An acre of pure land had a two-three story house. Alex's new home was no exception, and he could not help but feel at least a little more comfort at knowing that his lodgings would not have involved him living with someone's elses parents in a bed and breakfast house like his worst fears had imagined. Still, he knew what this meant.
I'm going to be stuck here for awhile... He pulled the latch to his car door open and already began thinking of who to call to get some of his more necessary furnishings back.
---
Junior high was so difficult. He tried to keep his zeal around the pressure of a new atmosphere, larger people that liked to bully him, and the constant competitive environment. She was distant these days.
"Hey, want to go see a movie? They've got the new Back to the Future sequel and my parents' wondered if you wanted to come!"
"Oh, I... I can't, sorry." She used to be so full of energy and now she was so quiet. In college, he learned about the physical and mental transition girls went through as they entered puberty but at that time before the books and lectures, he thought she hated him. She stayed alone a lot and he couldn't help...
-
The new complex was in the middle of nowhere. The land around it was probably farmland, by his opinion; land that became too fallow and now of the three acres that was paved out of the wilderness around it, only a third of it was returfed and left surrounding the building. There was a sensation of disgust with it. The thought of only turfing a third of that land around the building just seemed... purposeless for him. Regardless, he walked inside to find his welcoming commitee for him.
The new office was fairly modern. The people to him seemed so laid-back, though; he heard that people outside of New England were less competitive, but it felt almost like his world went from being guided by a leash to being guided by blindsight.
The workers were nice, however. He soon got to know the rest of the management officers that worked with and under him. His job was mainly to keep efficiency of them and make sure that they were doing their proper work. If there was no guarantee before, there was now that the company had wanted to shelf him away from their base of operations. He celebrated the realization with a shot of bourbon from the welcome gifts that he was given from the company and the workers. Very nice of them, in his opinion, though overdone and probably unnecessary for the company strategy. They had no work prepared for him yet, however.
A person without work did not feel proper to him. Throughout all his time before, he had lived by initiative, by taking advantage to impress someone.
But now, he was stuck with no one to impress that really mattered. The thought forced a sigh into him, and he took another shot of bourbon as he sat deeper into his expensive leather chair.
It was a knocking that woke him up. When he came to, he realized it was dark, there was no faint sound of talking, of computer keys in the background, and his window was pitch black. Looking at the watch, he saw 8:13PM, and knew immediately that he slept in. In the office, at that. He rubbed his temples for a moment, feeling a bit of the numbed shock that rolled through his head gently with a hangover. The cleaners should have posed no concern for him though; the ones in New York usually just came in and replaced it quietly.
"Come in."
The woman came in in her handkerchief-covered head and cleaning uniform, her face looking back at him accusingly. "Excuse me, I just wonder if it's okay to-"
"Mm, go ahead."
She nodded and walked in with her cart.
"Thank you, I'll try to be brief about it."
He yawned out "Uh huh" and then rubbed his eyes a bit with the rolled-up expression of his hands. As he pulled them back, though, he could not help but look at the cleaning lady. Her body was not thin, nor large.
"Am I doing something wrong sir?"
"Huh?" He blinked startledly as she looked back at him.
"Am I doing something wrong? You've just, well... been staring at me for awhile and I thought..." She looked back, dark eyes in a sort of concern. He soon realized she was right, his eyes wandered on her body for too long. He squinted his eyes and then shook his head, refusing to answer verbally so he could gather his thoughts.
She quickly returned to her duties, a little more hurried now. As she walked out though, he could not help but look at her and continue looking until she soon came out of view, his eyes still lingering to where she last was.
He heard she had been fighting with her boyfriend and word came around that they broke up a day before Valentine's Day. To console her, he remembered the money he made during the summer and started to scrounge together what he had. Two hundred and seventy-nine dollars was enough to get him somewhere close to a chance to get himself a new hard drive. He already owed someone five dollars and a favor, which he hated giving since he always kept them.
An estimate showed that a set of roses would have cost him forty dollars, eighty with candies, a hundred twenty for a bear and everything. It was a month and a half of earnings through hard labor and helping parents, but he knew that as long as she was happy, so was he. He ordered the roses and all, had them to be shipped to her house, and then prepared a poem to her that he spent the rest of the night working on through his crude notes on Shakespearean iambic pentameter.
The night he came, he was about to knock on the door, but he stopped himself when he heard a muffled giggle of her, and he could hear her with someone. Mention of flowers, candy... and thanking him. It soon grew quiet and then sensual moaning started to leak through the walls. He realized how stupid it looked and walked slowly away, a month and a half poorer.
-
He attributed the staring to the sleepiness. He always did feel slow after sleeping. He convinced himself that much in the morning, but the more he said it, the more he felt compelled to believe that it was not. There was a coffee shop within the community that was built into a bookstore that was trying to steal the Barnes and Noble concept of sitting around a bookstore reading books before buying them. He didn't really care much for it, so long as the coffee was hot.
The office gave him "work": a pitiful handful of papers that needed to be looked over and approved. He would have believed that they were important if he didn't notice that they were not for the approval of new market strategies, but for the approval of a recreational room in the building. Ridiculous, they already have one. Another long drink of the coffee, he then took the papers to his outbox on the outside of his door. His eyes turned back to the left... to where the cleaner was.
Idiot.
There was a way for him to find out, though. This was just too much. His mind needed to be disproved, and then he could go off to his life again.
Records did not care much for his looking over the personel. They gave him a number of resumes and records from the current cleaning staff in folders, partially wondering why he did it personally.
"Exercise," Alex pronounced as he walked out with the folders.
In total, there were four folders. Cleaning staff was fairly scarce, but it was a small complex and he doubted there was that much trash to be found around here. The first one, he opened, and as he looked into the name entry, it wasn't her, it wasn't even a man, and closed it. He turned to the next one.
It was a woman, but the name was not familiar. If the name wasn't familiar then it wasn't worth it. He closed the folder, turned to the next. Another woman, much older by the look of the birthdate though. He went for the last one.
All of them were dead ends. He sighed in relief and put the folder back in a nice pile on his desk, and then spun his desk around, crouching through drawers to look for the proper envelope to place them in before he put them into the outbox.
"Shannon missed my wastebasket."
"She's new at this, just give her time." His body stiffened up, spun around, looked through the door, stood. He had to know. He stormed out of the office and quickly almost slamming the door open, eyes scanning around the cubicles. It should not have been hard if their voices were loud enough to penetrate the ajar office.
"So anyway, how about the Cowboys?"
Tracking the voice, he walked around, looking. He knew he was attracting attention, but just didn't care. Around two bends, he saw two men chatting on their break as one of them flung a paper football into his almost full wastebasket and the other was continuing. They both turned to him and immediately it was as though they lost their breath: they probably were not on break after all.
"Did you mention something?"
"Uh, oh, about the Cowboys?"
"No no, did you say Shannon?"
"Yes, she's a newcomer to the office."
"Do you know her full name?"
"I'm- I'm afraid not, sir, is there something wrong?"
"Possibly." He hoped that would shut them up enough to get a complete answer through "Did you say she was a cleaner here?"
"Yes, she's pretty new. If she did something wrong then you should tell the-"
"She did nothing wrong, I just needed to know." He turned his back and walked back to his office. The portion of his mind already knew that there was going to be talk of it. Office politics, he sighed, Where's Ted when you need him?
8:40 and she was there, almost as though it was on course. She knocked.
"Come in," he said it behind some papers that were given to him last minute. He decided to wait on them, so he could actually appear as though he was busy all night.
She came in. His eyes stared again, and he stopped himself.
"Wastebasket's in the corner," he gestured with a pen as he continued to read the proposal. She went to bend over and take the wastebasket.
"Oh, by the way..." he added. She turned around and looked back at him. He still saw a sort of fear. "Can I have your name?"
She was surprised.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to fire you. I just want to know."
She looked like he didn't believe her. He almost smiled at the thought of it, but stopped himself again. He stared at her still.
"Shannon Karentine, sir."
He stopped himself. It was her.
"Shannon...?"
She looked back at him, trying to figure out if there was something there. "Do I know you, sir...?"
"Alex? Alex Adelstein, the neighbor next door...?"
Her eyes widened in surprise and she took a couple of steps back "Oh my god...!" Memories returned as she looked at him up and down "You've... you've changed so much!"
"You haven't," he said with a contempt smile.
Five miles away was a diner. People went to eat, but the isolation was probably more the reason why they ate here than anything else: the chicken he had was large in portions but far inferior from any five restaurant he went to. Shannon seemed to care little of it.
"-we lived pretty well together after awhile, though we had to go around the U.S. for a bit after he got scouted into the NFL. I found out the bastard was having an affair with a cheerleader so I left him and tried to find work." She still sounded like a girl to him, even though it was so many years, even though he knew those hands she had were those of hard labor and that a few premature wrinkles were already showing on that kind face of her's... He still saw that beautiful girl in his past.
"Sounds like you've had quite a life."
"It's had its' ups and downs," she laughed carelessly as she took a bite of the rare steak on her plate "But what about you?"
He kept a quiet smile about him "Went to college, switch majors twice, moved to New York and went into business school at Stern's in NYU, got my MBA, and have been working with the same business firm for the past year and a half."
"Wow..." she looked at him with wide eyes like those of the child he remembered her as "You sound like you've got your life ahead of yourself."
"Nah, I've still got a long way to go before I can become CEO of my own firm. Business hasn't been good these years with the coming recession," he took the mug of coffee to his lips; one of the few things that he thought was good in this place "-so I was getting tempted to go into law. The lawyers back at the firm say I have a proper head for it. One of them knows a professor in Columbia that can get me connected over there."
"Columbia? That Ivy League University?"
"The same," he just wasn't sure if he was going to do it yet.
"Can you afford that? NYU must have been expensive."
"I think I could manage." He shrugged and pushed the food aside. The way it was prepared was too much for his appetite to handle. He felt kind of strange talking about money around her though... it just didn't feel proper. The dream a night ago still echoed within.
"They promoted you to be manager now?"
"Yeah..." He didn't want to say that he felt like he was being placed away from the action, away from New York.
"Well you seem like you're doing good."
"Are you dating someone?"
"What?" It came out awkward. He wanted to know. There was a time when a shy teen would have been reluctant to ask it, but reluctance had never gotten him anywhere in life. He needed to know.
"Are you dating someone?" It came out almost as a command. He hoped it didn't scare her.
"I've... been living with someone for the past year now..." She seemed so reluctant to say it and her hand holding the utensils folded down into the floor, stolen of life. He gave a sigh, defeated again.
"No matter. He treats you well, I'm sure." He gave his smile, one of those business smiles that Ted did all the time that he hated.
She returned a weak smile in the silent gap.
No one knew what happened to her. It was three days since she was not in high school. He had to bother the neighbors, but they were the ones that came in, asking if he or his parents knew anything. The letter was found not too long after. She ran away with her boyfriend, the star football player, to his college. No one knew how to contact her, her boyfriend's parents were always moving and were unable to be contacted. He missed her more than anything, worrying for her. The sounds of a church bell rung, mourning. She was presumed dead to everyone as far as they knew, for she never replied after the weeks to come. The ringing of bells for her funeral, the ringing, the ringing-
-
"...Hello?"
"Hey Alex, sleeping in?"
"You asshole, I've got at least an hour before you."
"Okay, okay, that's my mistake. How you pulling over there?"
"Terrible" was what he was about to say, until he remembered Shannon again, the eyes, her form, her voice.
"It's getting along."
Ted laughed "No need to make excuses, we know you're suffering in that laid-back sort of world. They're talking about possibly getting you back."
"Back? Really?" A sort of energy entered his voice.
"Yeah, the place is already starting to break down after a week. We need an anal stick in the ass like you to help keep us going, and the staff realized it. They're thinking of promoting you again."
He gave a subtle laugh with the joke "What now? Nome?"
"Settle down, they're talking about making you senior staff."
"..." Three steps above his current position.
"You there?"
"Yeah, I'm here."
"It's still iffy on whether it happens or not, but even the CEO is considering it."
"It went all the way to him?"
"Of course. You know what that means."
He sure did. It was as likely as anything to happen.
Three days and Shannon did not come in to do her cleaning. People were getting concerned, but her boyfriend told them she was sick. Alex considered sending flowers and a Get Well card, but knew it might have been interpreted wrong. He didn't know how to interpret her any longer.
The fourth day, he saw her, but she passed by his office without a word. He stood up to greet her, but she was avoidant.
"Something wrong?"
"I've been... sick."
"Here, let me take a look at you"
"No, no, I'm fine!" She jumped back when he was about to touch her face. His hand touched makeup, heavy makeup. Underneath, he saw the a disgusting dark blue.
"You're bruised..."
"It was a- an accident." She hesitated enough for him to know something was wrong.
"Shannon, it's all right. If you can tell me. if something's wrong."
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong at all," she turned her back and started to walk. He knew what it meant.
"Your boyfriend hit you, didn't he?"
She stopped herself and started to shake. Alex's legs met with her and caught her before she started to collapse to the ground. Her makeup was already starting to mess up.
"The bastard said I shouldn't be around you," she said, the tears falling more and more.
"He hit you just to say that?" There was a heat in his skin. He didn't feel this way unless someone just cut him off during a 5 o'clock rush or when some thug tried to cop his wallet from him at night.
She nodded with a plead.
"The fucking bastard." He never said that unless he was pissed.
He was pissed.
"Take me to where you live."
"What?"
"Take me there."
"No, what are you thinking of doing?" her eyes looked in surprise.
"No one should hit you like that."
"Alex, you never were like this before..."
"Some people change." He picked her up, his strong and supple arms holding her up erect as his eyes stared back with a clear ferocity.
"Are you going to hurt him...?"
"I might."
"But... I don't want you to hurt him." She had to look away from his eyes, too strong, too intense.
"I don't want him to hurt you."
She pulled back, a bit surprised. There was a pause for a moment in the empty area.
"Do you promise not to hurt him...?"
"Only as long as he doesn't hurt you."
"...then I'll let you. But you may only make things worse."
"I know worse. Worse isn't being able to help."
"Are you okay...?"
"Fine." There was still some rage left.
"The police are going to ask about this..."
"Let them. You were there, you know it was in defense." She nodded, reluctantly, he would have normally noticed that that reluctance may have been a bad thing for him.
He confronted the man, in a trailer home they shared somewhere in the country roads. His lawbooks told him enough to get enough charges to get him in jail for a long time for what he was doing, and threatened that if anything more was to happen, he was going to be in there for even longer than what he mentioned. The man was violent and looked as though he would kill him. Alex, in his stuffy business suit, was impeded slightly, but still was fairly experienced in judo and aikido. The man's blows against him, he kept him on the ground, tied his arms together with some rope from nearby and his belt around his legs, and he called the police. He knew it meant a few days in court and more doing nothing, but he didn't care.
"I'll get you some of the best lawyers in New York to fight for your case," he said it proudly, like a lion.
"Thanks..." she said, with a tired smile. He could tell she wasn't happy from that voice, his eyes still on the road.
"What's wrong?"
"Don't get him wrong..." she said, "he was just jealous of you."
"I'm the one jealous of him." he pronounced "He has you to defend for him."
She shook her head and leaned forward a sniffle "I'm not that special... I'm useless." He pulled the car aside, stopping. A hand fumbling inside his coat, he removed a handkerchief, offering it to her. She accepted the beautiful silvery silk. "I never graduated high school, I don't have much experience with anything, my parents don't want me, no one wants me."
"You're the only one I ever really wanted," he said as he still looked at her. She looked back to him with those surprised eyes again and he continued "There's only been one person in my mind the whole time, and you're that one."
"You don't have to say that. You're rich, you're smart, nice... who wouldn't want you?"
"It's not about who wants me..." he replied "it's about who I want." He rested a hand against her shoulder. She almost jumped when she touched him.
"Stop, I- we shouldn't, I still-"
"I know. I don't mix business with pleasure, especially as long as you technically work under me. However, I still love you, just as I did so many years ago."
"Loved me? Christ, Alex, we were kids back then!"
He shook his head and he knew he had to continue driving. He continued through the dark roads. "8th grade... I never got to tell you this. Do you remember getting dumped by someone?"
"8th grade? I've dated so many guys I don't even remember anymore." He continued anyway.
"You were without a boyfriend just before Valentine's Day. Suddenly on Valentine's Day, a bunch of flowers and candy and some other crap should have come at the door. It was-"
"I know it was you."
He had to give her a sidewards glance "What?"
"My boyfriend couldn't have afforded them at the time, I found out. I later found out that most of his money went to drinking, so he never really cared about spending money for me. I overheard you getting yelled at by your mom not too long after Valentine's, wondering why you needed to borrow money after all the money you earned during the summer.
He gave a smile that seemed off-beat. He still remembered the pitch of his mother's voice back then.
"You're a good person, Alex... but that's why you shouldn't have me."
"But you're also the only one that I've ever had on my mind."
They were quiet through the rest of the drive to the police station.
Ted was right. The firm was doing terrible. He was called back, with the promotion to one of the senior chairmen in New York. The folks in the office, who liked him enough to throw him a going away party, eventually gave him his farewells. It was only two weeks in his position. He was starting to get used to the environment as well... it was nice living without any of the stress of the city on his head.
Shannon was waiting for him at his house to help him pack his stuff away before he headed back.
"Find someone that's worth you, okay?" She said with a smile. They hugged for a good long time and she kissed him on the cheek.
"I already did. I just hope she'll accept it someday." He could almost feel her blush from knowing who he was talking about.
He stepped into his new office, 32nd floor. Ted and a couple of his old officemates were there to welcome him with some champagne and a few cheers.
"How did you handle the boonies?" Ted said with a welcome smile.
"Let's just say it's good to be back," Alex said with a smile.
"They say you've had some problems there," remarked one of his other old office buddies.
"Yeah, nothing too bad. I'll have to head back there."
"Think you can handle being back in that middle-of-nowhere?"
Alex laughed a good laugh as he continued, the fond expression on his face never leaving "I'll make do. There's still something I need to do there, and someone I have to show you..."
Fin.
He remembered since childhood.
"Would you ever marry me if I grew up?"
He would have said "I don't like girls" to her if she wasn't a neighbor he played with years ago. Instead, his remark-
"Yeah, but I want to be the daddy!"
She laughed that earnest laugh of children "Silly, you'd only be a daddy if we had a baby!" He laughed with her, the heat in his cheeks from embarrasment and then they went back to playing.
It was crystal clear in his head. As clear as the chime of a bell; a wedding bell, chiming clearly, consistently. When he came out of the dream that recured in his head once every few months, Alexander Adelstein would find the sound to only have been his alarm clock.
-
The 6 line downtown was always crowded at rush hour. Compressed at a limit of 60 people in a 50 people car, Alex was in his long coat, compressed between a man with one hand on a handlebar and the other on a cellphone; behind him, an Asian man with a bag on his pack to easily be where he put all his wares before he started his street vending. To the sides, the slightly more comfortable people that sat down, without elbow room but certainly much more breathing room than what he was offered. He stood pressed erect in the middle.
As he walked out of the dirty concrete steps up, through the tile of the cobble floor of the subway's walkways, up another set of dirty stairs occupied by tossed food wrappings, he would arise around Wall Street, and before he would walk in, his eyes would spot a figure, a female figure. Not a slim slithe one that adorned magazines, not a bulky overweight one that adorned help ads. This one was familiar, yet as he turned his head to look, he couldn't help but feel disappointed at not seeing what he had hoped for.
"Yeah, she's not much of a looker," said Ted as he walked backwards, taking a long look at her "Nice ass though." He turned to Alex, put out the hand, and they did the formal shake, followed by the informal ritual pulling of the fingers, and the release, to bunt their knuckled against one-another "Old Teddy's got us for a surprise conference today."
Alex groaned as he walked, shaking his head with the heavy despondency expected after an exhaustive squishing he had through the train. The conference was only another reason to stiffen his already stressed system. Granted, the chairs were three times more comfortable than his office, there would be some drinks and he could get a nice hot bagel fresh from the cafeteria's bakery, but the thought of sitting through a five hour meeting was no different from his university days when he was stuck in a class for four hours just to take notes with two hundred other nameless people.
"Hey hey, don't be so glum!" Ted gave his usual business smile. Marketing folks like him were trained to smile for anyone whenever it meant business. He kept his around Alex just out of habit "Monica will be there. You know, I know you don't like to mix business with pleasure and all, but I heard you two hit it off good."
"I guess." All he remembered was talking with her, paying for her drinks, and a large emptiness beyond that.
"She said you were a perfect gentleman. I don't know how you do it..."
They were now standing in the lobby waiting for one of the six elevators to come pick them up, past the half-lethargic security officer that sat behind his desk and phone and clipboard and twelve monitors that looked over random parts of the elevator and the elevator entrances. In the time necessary for the elevator to touch down to the floor and tell in a satisfying ring that they were in the mezanine. No one was inside the elevator, so the two men took careless steps forward as they continued their one-sided discussion.
"How I do what?"
"How do you hold yourself down around the hottest girl in the office?"
"We're just friends, nothing else."
"She's saying something else about you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, she thinks you're the hottest thing since the cellphone."
"...the cellphone."
"Okay, that was in her words; bad analogy I know, but still-"
The elevator rang its electronic ring to denote that they were on the 22nd floor as they asked it for, and the two walked out as soon as the two silver doors slid open for them.
"-this is Monica we're talking about."
A figure walked by with something like the last girl, his head turn for a moment, but he didn't see what he was looking for so turned back.
"Again with this! Look at you!"
Alex stopped abruptly, pulling back Ted as though they were bound by leash and collar. He blinked and tilted his head down again, the heavy gel in his head refusing to budge his groomed hair. Ted rolled his eyes.
"You know what I mean Alex."
"Of course I do, but what's the point?" He continued walking, not too noting of Ted next to him, but still with an open ear as they passed the glass windows of offices and the cloth covered frames of khaki cubicles.
"The point is that people are going to start wondering about you. Don't you ever know what it means to go out and hit it along?"
"I'm not that old, Ted. God, you're starting to sound like my dad."
"Hey, hey, brother. I love you like a brother, you know that."
"Yeah, yeah, I know... I'm just-" he stopped himself, rapped against the dark chestnut of a double door as he heard a muffled clicking noise freeing the lock to the meeting. He opened the door, walked in, and held the door behind him as he spun around to face his buddy, his eyes still emotionally even.
He got to avoid questions that day, and possibly more. The "promotion" to management in one of the new offices in the Midwest U.S. I can just taste the mashed potatoes and corn biscuits he kept thinking with a distaste as he packed bags in his lush 18th floor apartment, located not too far from East Central Park. If they wanted to blow me off without the risk of working for some competition, then they should have at least been nice enough to let me live in a goddamn city.
13 hours, ten phone calls, three bottles of beer, three packets of peanuts and a can of Coke later, he stepped off a plane and into Winsconsin. The city seemed nice to him, but as he took his preregistered company car and followed the instructions he printed out on his computer back in his previous home, he had three hours of driving until he would finally reach his new home.
It took four hours and thirteen minutes from an inability to tell side roads apart. As he drove against some of them, though, he wished the company car would have been an S.U.V. after seeing some of the country roads that branched off. He found home to be an enclosed residential area called Anderson Acres, an almost self-contained private residence for the more succesful young and old retirees that already earned their life's expected value a year ago and now fill in their new time with tennis and various things straight out of "The Great Gatsby." Being a person that actually had to earn most of his life, though, Alex couldn't help but feel disgusted at the atmosphere, nice though it was.
"Two-oh-two... two-oh-four... two-oh-three...!" He said in identification at the number plates placed against the mailboxes outside each house he passed by. Alex parked the black car into a driveway and looked around. An acre of pure land had a two-three story house. Alex's new home was no exception, and he could not help but feel at least a little more comfort at knowing that his lodgings would not have involved him living with someone's elses parents in a bed and breakfast house like his worst fears had imagined. Still, he knew what this meant.
I'm going to be stuck here for awhile... He pulled the latch to his car door open and already began thinking of who to call to get some of his more necessary furnishings back.
Junior high was so difficult. He tried to keep his zeal around the pressure of a new atmosphere, larger people that liked to bully him, and the constant competitive environment. She was distant these days.
"Hey, want to go see a movie? They've got the new Back to the Future sequel and my parents' wondered if you wanted to come!"
"Oh, I... I can't, sorry." She used to be so full of energy and now she was so quiet. In college, he learned about the physical and mental transition girls went through as they entered puberty but at that time before the books and lectures, he thought she hated him. She stayed alone a lot and he couldn't help...
-
The new complex was in the middle of nowhere. The land around it was probably farmland, by his opinion; land that became too fallow and now of the three acres that was paved out of the wilderness around it, only a third of it was returfed and left surrounding the building. There was a sensation of disgust with it. The thought of only turfing a third of that land around the building just seemed... purposeless for him. Regardless, he walked inside to find his welcoming commitee for him.
The new office was fairly modern. The people to him seemed so laid-back, though; he heard that people outside of New England were less competitive, but it felt almost like his world went from being guided by a leash to being guided by blindsight.
The workers were nice, however. He soon got to know the rest of the management officers that worked with and under him. His job was mainly to keep efficiency of them and make sure that they were doing their proper work. If there was no guarantee before, there was now that the company had wanted to shelf him away from their base of operations. He celebrated the realization with a shot of bourbon from the welcome gifts that he was given from the company and the workers. Very nice of them, in his opinion, though overdone and probably unnecessary for the company strategy. They had no work prepared for him yet, however.
A person without work did not feel proper to him. Throughout all his time before, he had lived by initiative, by taking advantage to impress someone.
But now, he was stuck with no one to impress that really mattered. The thought forced a sigh into him, and he took another shot of bourbon as he sat deeper into his expensive leather chair.
It was a knocking that woke him up. When he came to, he realized it was dark, there was no faint sound of talking, of computer keys in the background, and his window was pitch black. Looking at the watch, he saw 8:13PM, and knew immediately that he slept in. In the office, at that. He rubbed his temples for a moment, feeling a bit of the numbed shock that rolled through his head gently with a hangover. The cleaners should have posed no concern for him though; the ones in New York usually just came in and replaced it quietly.
"Come in."
The woman came in in her handkerchief-covered head and cleaning uniform, her face looking back at him accusingly. "Excuse me, I just wonder if it's okay to-"
"Mm, go ahead."
She nodded and walked in with her cart.
"Thank you, I'll try to be brief about it."
He yawned out "Uh huh" and then rubbed his eyes a bit with the rolled-up expression of his hands. As he pulled them back, though, he could not help but look at the cleaning lady. Her body was not thin, nor large.
"Am I doing something wrong sir?"
"Huh?" He blinked startledly as she looked back at him.
"Am I doing something wrong? You've just, well... been staring at me for awhile and I thought..." She looked back, dark eyes in a sort of concern. He soon realized she was right, his eyes wandered on her body for too long. He squinted his eyes and then shook his head, refusing to answer verbally so he could gather his thoughts.
She quickly returned to her duties, a little more hurried now. As she walked out though, he could not help but look at her and continue looking until she soon came out of view, his eyes still lingering to where she last was.
He heard she had been fighting with her boyfriend and word came around that they broke up a day before Valentine's Day. To console her, he remembered the money he made during the summer and started to scrounge together what he had. Two hundred and seventy-nine dollars was enough to get him somewhere close to a chance to get himself a new hard drive. He already owed someone five dollars and a favor, which he hated giving since he always kept them.
An estimate showed that a set of roses would have cost him forty dollars, eighty with candies, a hundred twenty for a bear and everything. It was a month and a half of earnings through hard labor and helping parents, but he knew that as long as she was happy, so was he. He ordered the roses and all, had them to be shipped to her house, and then prepared a poem to her that he spent the rest of the night working on through his crude notes on Shakespearean iambic pentameter.
The night he came, he was about to knock on the door, but he stopped himself when he heard a muffled giggle of her, and he could hear her with someone. Mention of flowers, candy... and thanking him. It soon grew quiet and then sensual moaning started to leak through the walls. He realized how stupid it looked and walked slowly away, a month and a half poorer.
-
He attributed the staring to the sleepiness. He always did feel slow after sleeping. He convinced himself that much in the morning, but the more he said it, the more he felt compelled to believe that it was not. There was a coffee shop within the community that was built into a bookstore that was trying to steal the Barnes and Noble concept of sitting around a bookstore reading books before buying them. He didn't really care much for it, so long as the coffee was hot.
The office gave him "work": a pitiful handful of papers that needed to be looked over and approved. He would have believed that they were important if he didn't notice that they were not for the approval of new market strategies, but for the approval of a recreational room in the building. Ridiculous, they already have one. Another long drink of the coffee, he then took the papers to his outbox on the outside of his door. His eyes turned back to the left... to where the cleaner was.
Idiot.
There was a way for him to find out, though. This was just too much. His mind needed to be disproved, and then he could go off to his life again.
Records did not care much for his looking over the personel. They gave him a number of resumes and records from the current cleaning staff in folders, partially wondering why he did it personally.
"Exercise," Alex pronounced as he walked out with the folders.
In total, there were four folders. Cleaning staff was fairly scarce, but it was a small complex and he doubted there was that much trash to be found around here. The first one, he opened, and as he looked into the name entry, it wasn't her, it wasn't even a man, and closed it. He turned to the next one.
It was a woman, but the name was not familiar. If the name wasn't familiar then it wasn't worth it. He closed the folder, turned to the next. Another woman, much older by the look of the birthdate though. He went for the last one.
All of them were dead ends. He sighed in relief and put the folder back in a nice pile on his desk, and then spun his desk around, crouching through drawers to look for the proper envelope to place them in before he put them into the outbox.
"Shannon missed my wastebasket."
"She's new at this, just give her time." His body stiffened up, spun around, looked through the door, stood. He had to know. He stormed out of the office and quickly almost slamming the door open, eyes scanning around the cubicles. It should not have been hard if their voices were loud enough to penetrate the ajar office.
"So anyway, how about the Cowboys?"
Tracking the voice, he walked around, looking. He knew he was attracting attention, but just didn't care. Around two bends, he saw two men chatting on their break as one of them flung a paper football into his almost full wastebasket and the other was continuing. They both turned to him and immediately it was as though they lost their breath: they probably were not on break after all.
"Did you mention something?"
"Uh, oh, about the Cowboys?"
"No no, did you say Shannon?"
"Yes, she's a newcomer to the office."
"Do you know her full name?"
"I'm- I'm afraid not, sir, is there something wrong?"
"Possibly." He hoped that would shut them up enough to get a complete answer through "Did you say she was a cleaner here?"
"Yes, she's pretty new. If she did something wrong then you should tell the-"
"She did nothing wrong, I just needed to know." He turned his back and walked back to his office. The portion of his mind already knew that there was going to be talk of it. Office politics, he sighed, Where's Ted when you need him?
8:40 and she was there, almost as though it was on course. She knocked.
"Come in," he said it behind some papers that were given to him last minute. He decided to wait on them, so he could actually appear as though he was busy all night.
She came in. His eyes stared again, and he stopped himself.
"Wastebasket's in the corner," he gestured with a pen as he continued to read the proposal. She went to bend over and take the wastebasket.
"Oh, by the way..." he added. She turned around and looked back at him. He still saw a sort of fear. "Can I have your name?"
She was surprised.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to fire you. I just want to know."
She looked like he didn't believe her. He almost smiled at the thought of it, but stopped himself again. He stared at her still.
"Shannon Karentine, sir."
He stopped himself. It was her.
"Shannon...?"
She looked back at him, trying to figure out if there was something there. "Do I know you, sir...?"
"Alex? Alex Adelstein, the neighbor next door...?"
Her eyes widened in surprise and she took a couple of steps back "Oh my god...!" Memories returned as she looked at him up and down "You've... you've changed so much!"
"You haven't," he said with a contempt smile.
Five miles away was a diner. People went to eat, but the isolation was probably more the reason why they ate here than anything else: the chicken he had was large in portions but far inferior from any five restaurant he went to. Shannon seemed to care little of it.
"-we lived pretty well together after awhile, though we had to go around the U.S. for a bit after he got scouted into the NFL. I found out the bastard was having an affair with a cheerleader so I left him and tried to find work." She still sounded like a girl to him, even though it was so many years, even though he knew those hands she had were those of hard labor and that a few premature wrinkles were already showing on that kind face of her's... He still saw that beautiful girl in his past.
"Sounds like you've had quite a life."
"It's had its' ups and downs," she laughed carelessly as she took a bite of the rare steak on her plate "But what about you?"
He kept a quiet smile about him "Went to college, switch majors twice, moved to New York and went into business school at Stern's in NYU, got my MBA, and have been working with the same business firm for the past year and a half."
"Wow..." she looked at him with wide eyes like those of the child he remembered her as "You sound like you've got your life ahead of yourself."
"Nah, I've still got a long way to go before I can become CEO of my own firm. Business hasn't been good these years with the coming recession," he took the mug of coffee to his lips; one of the few things that he thought was good in this place "-so I was getting tempted to go into law. The lawyers back at the firm say I have a proper head for it. One of them knows a professor in Columbia that can get me connected over there."
"Columbia? That Ivy League University?"
"The same," he just wasn't sure if he was going to do it yet.
"Can you afford that? NYU must have been expensive."
"I think I could manage." He shrugged and pushed the food aside. The way it was prepared was too much for his appetite to handle. He felt kind of strange talking about money around her though... it just didn't feel proper. The dream a night ago still echoed within.
"They promoted you to be manager now?"
"Yeah..." He didn't want to say that he felt like he was being placed away from the action, away from New York.
"Well you seem like you're doing good."
"Are you dating someone?"
"What?" It came out awkward. He wanted to know. There was a time when a shy teen would have been reluctant to ask it, but reluctance had never gotten him anywhere in life. He needed to know.
"Are you dating someone?" It came out almost as a command. He hoped it didn't scare her.
"I've... been living with someone for the past year now..." She seemed so reluctant to say it and her hand holding the utensils folded down into the floor, stolen of life. He gave a sigh, defeated again.
"No matter. He treats you well, I'm sure." He gave his smile, one of those business smiles that Ted did all the time that he hated.
She returned a weak smile in the silent gap.
No one knew what happened to her. It was three days since she was not in high school. He had to bother the neighbors, but they were the ones that came in, asking if he or his parents knew anything. The letter was found not too long after. She ran away with her boyfriend, the star football player, to his college. No one knew how to contact her, her boyfriend's parents were always moving and were unable to be contacted. He missed her more than anything, worrying for her. The sounds of a church bell rung, mourning. She was presumed dead to everyone as far as they knew, for she never replied after the weeks to come. The ringing of bells for her funeral, the ringing, the ringing-
-
"...Hello?"
"Hey Alex, sleeping in?"
"You asshole, I've got at least an hour before you."
"Okay, okay, that's my mistake. How you pulling over there?"
"Terrible" was what he was about to say, until he remembered Shannon again, the eyes, her form, her voice.
"It's getting along."
Ted laughed "No need to make excuses, we know you're suffering in that laid-back sort of world. They're talking about possibly getting you back."
"Back? Really?" A sort of energy entered his voice.
"Yeah, the place is already starting to break down after a week. We need an anal stick in the ass like you to help keep us going, and the staff realized it. They're thinking of promoting you again."
He gave a subtle laugh with the joke "What now? Nome?"
"Settle down, they're talking about making you senior staff."
"..." Three steps above his current position.
"You there?"
"Yeah, I'm here."
"It's still iffy on whether it happens or not, but even the CEO is considering it."
"It went all the way to him?"
"Of course. You know what that means."
He sure did. It was as likely as anything to happen.
Three days and Shannon did not come in to do her cleaning. People were getting concerned, but her boyfriend told them she was sick. Alex considered sending flowers and a Get Well card, but knew it might have been interpreted wrong. He didn't know how to interpret her any longer.
The fourth day, he saw her, but she passed by his office without a word. He stood up to greet her, but she was avoidant.
"Something wrong?"
"I've been... sick."
"Here, let me take a look at you"
"No, no, I'm fine!" She jumped back when he was about to touch her face. His hand touched makeup, heavy makeup. Underneath, he saw the a disgusting dark blue.
"You're bruised..."
"It was a- an accident." She hesitated enough for him to know something was wrong.
"Shannon, it's all right. If you can tell me. if something's wrong."
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong at all," she turned her back and started to walk. He knew what it meant.
"Your boyfriend hit you, didn't he?"
She stopped herself and started to shake. Alex's legs met with her and caught her before she started to collapse to the ground. Her makeup was already starting to mess up.
"The bastard said I shouldn't be around you," she said, the tears falling more and more.
"He hit you just to say that?" There was a heat in his skin. He didn't feel this way unless someone just cut him off during a 5 o'clock rush or when some thug tried to cop his wallet from him at night.
She nodded with a plead.
"The fucking bastard." He never said that unless he was pissed.
He was pissed.
"Take me to where you live."
"What?"
"Take me there."
"No, what are you thinking of doing?" her eyes looked in surprise.
"No one should hit you like that."
"Alex, you never were like this before..."
"Some people change." He picked her up, his strong and supple arms holding her up erect as his eyes stared back with a clear ferocity.
"Are you going to hurt him...?"
"I might."
"But... I don't want you to hurt him." She had to look away from his eyes, too strong, too intense.
"I don't want him to hurt you."
She pulled back, a bit surprised. There was a pause for a moment in the empty area.
"Do you promise not to hurt him...?"
"Only as long as he doesn't hurt you."
"...then I'll let you. But you may only make things worse."
"I know worse. Worse isn't being able to help."
"Are you okay...?"
"Fine." There was still some rage left.
"The police are going to ask about this..."
"Let them. You were there, you know it was in defense." She nodded, reluctantly, he would have normally noticed that that reluctance may have been a bad thing for him.
He confronted the man, in a trailer home they shared somewhere in the country roads. His lawbooks told him enough to get enough charges to get him in jail for a long time for what he was doing, and threatened that if anything more was to happen, he was going to be in there for even longer than what he mentioned. The man was violent and looked as though he would kill him. Alex, in his stuffy business suit, was impeded slightly, but still was fairly experienced in judo and aikido. The man's blows against him, he kept him on the ground, tied his arms together with some rope from nearby and his belt around his legs, and he called the police. He knew it meant a few days in court and more doing nothing, but he didn't care.
"I'll get you some of the best lawyers in New York to fight for your case," he said it proudly, like a lion.
"Thanks..." she said, with a tired smile. He could tell she wasn't happy from that voice, his eyes still on the road.
"What's wrong?"
"Don't get him wrong..." she said, "he was just jealous of you."
"I'm the one jealous of him." he pronounced "He has you to defend for him."
She shook her head and leaned forward a sniffle "I'm not that special... I'm useless." He pulled the car aside, stopping. A hand fumbling inside his coat, he removed a handkerchief, offering it to her. She accepted the beautiful silvery silk. "I never graduated high school, I don't have much experience with anything, my parents don't want me, no one wants me."
"You're the only one I ever really wanted," he said as he still looked at her. She looked back to him with those surprised eyes again and he continued "There's only been one person in my mind the whole time, and you're that one."
"You don't have to say that. You're rich, you're smart, nice... who wouldn't want you?"
"It's not about who wants me..." he replied "it's about who I want." He rested a hand against her shoulder. She almost jumped when she touched him.
"Stop, I- we shouldn't, I still-"
"I know. I don't mix business with pleasure, especially as long as you technically work under me. However, I still love you, just as I did so many years ago."
"Loved me? Christ, Alex, we were kids back then!"
He shook his head and he knew he had to continue driving. He continued through the dark roads. "8th grade... I never got to tell you this. Do you remember getting dumped by someone?"
"8th grade? I've dated so many guys I don't even remember anymore." He continued anyway.
"You were without a boyfriend just before Valentine's Day. Suddenly on Valentine's Day, a bunch of flowers and candy and some other crap should have come at the door. It was-"
"I know it was you."
He had to give her a sidewards glance "What?"
"My boyfriend couldn't have afforded them at the time, I found out. I later found out that most of his money went to drinking, so he never really cared about spending money for me. I overheard you getting yelled at by your mom not too long after Valentine's, wondering why you needed to borrow money after all the money you earned during the summer.
He gave a smile that seemed off-beat. He still remembered the pitch of his mother's voice back then.
"You're a good person, Alex... but that's why you shouldn't have me."
"But you're also the only one that I've ever had on my mind."
They were quiet through the rest of the drive to the police station.
Ted was right. The firm was doing terrible. He was called back, with the promotion to one of the senior chairmen in New York. The folks in the office, who liked him enough to throw him a going away party, eventually gave him his farewells. It was only two weeks in his position. He was starting to get used to the environment as well... it was nice living without any of the stress of the city on his head.
Shannon was waiting for him at his house to help him pack his stuff away before he headed back.
"Find someone that's worth you, okay?" She said with a smile. They hugged for a good long time and she kissed him on the cheek.
"I already did. I just hope she'll accept it someday." He could almost feel her blush from knowing who he was talking about.
He stepped into his new office, 32nd floor. Ted and a couple of his old officemates were there to welcome him with some champagne and a few cheers.
"How did you handle the boonies?" Ted said with a welcome smile.
"Let's just say it's good to be back," Alex said with a smile.
"They say you've had some problems there," remarked one of his other old office buddies.
"Yeah, nothing too bad. I'll have to head back there."
"Think you can handle being back in that middle-of-nowhere?"
Alex laughed a good laugh as he continued, the fond expression on his face never leaving "I'll make do. There's still something I need to do there, and someone I have to show you..."
