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Apr. 29th, 2019 08:33 pmMichelle's parents are trying to drive diabetes back into me. Ugh, too many desserts are in my house from a return trip from their house. I can feel the weight I gained just from trying to devour something that is just not that good for me. -_-
So with that said, I've been ridiculously busy. I am trying to coment on people's activities here, but this is the closest I have for free time between catching up with a new account that I may not fully understand how to work with. Sigh. The tireds.
Even now, on a Friday when I thought I'd have more free time, I'm a bit too worn to continue on a backup account I've been backing up all week.
Edit: yup, I've been busy.
I have been trying to keep up with reading your posts, mostly because it's easier for me to do than to sit down in a quiet place and write up another novella documenting my week. Life goes on and so do I!
I'm on a cool down with my work and I just wanted to add one more thing:
I never realized how much I embraced being so judgmental and above others when I was young and in those moments when I recently thought of them I realized how glaringly imperfect my parents are, but what also got me was how much my brother also bought into it.
My brother, whose drive brought pride and envy in me also comes with a live fast die young attitude with his epicurean thrills and at his age it's catching up with him. His feet, which have taken the specks and scabs of diabetes, have been combined with his own frustration of being medically disabled along the way.
While at Michelle's parents, we plotted a trip to NYC and received a call from my mother, who guesstimated that we came to NJ because it was Easter (though we did do switch our tires). Caught red handed and without much else to do, I asked Michelle if she was all right making a detour to my parents after the fact. She was fine with it.
Our trip through NYC went from Newark to the WTC where I finally saw the completed peace garden. The last time I was there, the Freedom Tower was complete while I stared at chain link fences and borehole full of machinery. We left the skeletal train station, then realized the weather was too miserable to traverse Battery Park, so we climbed through the boroughs to Penn Station.
I learned that the 90s had returned with different shapes. Loud yellow replaces loud pink. Gold too. Less triangles, more lines. Lots of clothing stores with lines to even get in. I felt old but comfortable with my distance from it all.
When we got to my parents, my family was happy to see me. I think because they notice how much I've lost. Well most of them, at least. My brother has made a habit of not greeting me unless found. I wanted to reach him because I needed someone to handle AV equipment according to my wedding planner. He said it was fine. He soon told me how depressed he's been, then that he wanted me to warn ahead of time when I was visiting.
I told him it was because our mom called me, but I don't think he heard, only mentioning that he didn't want to come down when he heard I was coming in. Then it let me reflect on my past with him. He's always had an inferiority complex. He tends to neg me whenever I'm doing something and doesn't really understand my humor. Which is fine, because I know I'm weird--hell, I embraced it to a major degree. But when he tried to talk down to me, I realized how that was his way. He always needed to talk down to me because I was always the bumbling little brother in his eyes.
If that was the case, then if he's seeing me being happy with someone looking fit and whatever else, then there's a good chance he's avoiding me because he's jealous of me having my shit together. Which, as any of your readers know, is far from the truth, but I don't advertise my life online anymore anyway except to aggregate news, so...
It probably also doesn't help that my parents do have this tendency to pick favorites. They don't know the parts of my life where I'm always struggling so I must look better off that way. I doubt I would like that either. Plus, his friends are getting older and have their own family matters.
I told Michelle afterwards that I'm glad I ran off with her and she understood why. I only worry because I feel like he is trying to kill himself slowly before our parents do, because once they pass away I don't know if he can handle living by himself. I also know time is an inevitability, so I'll just have to keep thinking ahead and trying to see what I can think ahead for. Sigh.
So with that said, I've been ridiculously busy. I am trying to coment on people's activities here, but this is the closest I have for free time between catching up with a new account that I may not fully understand how to work with. Sigh. The tireds.
Even now, on a Friday when I thought I'd have more free time, I'm a bit too worn to continue on a backup account I've been backing up all week.
Edit: yup, I've been busy.
I have been trying to keep up with reading your posts, mostly because it's easier for me to do than to sit down in a quiet place and write up another novella documenting my week. Life goes on and so do I!
I'm on a cool down with my work and I just wanted to add one more thing:
I never realized how much I embraced being so judgmental and above others when I was young and in those moments when I recently thought of them I realized how glaringly imperfect my parents are, but what also got me was how much my brother also bought into it.
My brother, whose drive brought pride and envy in me also comes with a live fast die young attitude with his epicurean thrills and at his age it's catching up with him. His feet, which have taken the specks and scabs of diabetes, have been combined with his own frustration of being medically disabled along the way.
While at Michelle's parents, we plotted a trip to NYC and received a call from my mother, who guesstimated that we came to NJ because it was Easter (though we did do switch our tires). Caught red handed and without much else to do, I asked Michelle if she was all right making a detour to my parents after the fact. She was fine with it.
Our trip through NYC went from Newark to the WTC where I finally saw the completed peace garden. The last time I was there, the Freedom Tower was complete while I stared at chain link fences and borehole full of machinery. We left the skeletal train station, then realized the weather was too miserable to traverse Battery Park, so we climbed through the boroughs to Penn Station.
I learned that the 90s had returned with different shapes. Loud yellow replaces loud pink. Gold too. Less triangles, more lines. Lots of clothing stores with lines to even get in. I felt old but comfortable with my distance from it all.
When we got to my parents, my family was happy to see me. I think because they notice how much I've lost. Well most of them, at least. My brother has made a habit of not greeting me unless found. I wanted to reach him because I needed someone to handle AV equipment according to my wedding planner. He said it was fine. He soon told me how depressed he's been, then that he wanted me to warn ahead of time when I was visiting.
I told him it was because our mom called me, but I don't think he heard, only mentioning that he didn't want to come down when he heard I was coming in. Then it let me reflect on my past with him. He's always had an inferiority complex. He tends to neg me whenever I'm doing something and doesn't really understand my humor. Which is fine, because I know I'm weird--hell, I embraced it to a major degree. But when he tried to talk down to me, I realized how that was his way. He always needed to talk down to me because I was always the bumbling little brother in his eyes.
If that was the case, then if he's seeing me being happy with someone looking fit and whatever else, then there's a good chance he's avoiding me because he's jealous of me having my shit together. Which, as any of your readers know, is far from the truth, but I don't advertise my life online anymore anyway except to aggregate news, so...
It probably also doesn't help that my parents do have this tendency to pick favorites. They don't know the parts of my life where I'm always struggling so I must look better off that way. I doubt I would like that either. Plus, his friends are getting older and have their own family matters.
I told Michelle afterwards that I'm glad I ran off with her and she understood why. I only worry because I feel like he is trying to kill himself slowly before our parents do, because once they pass away I don't know if he can handle living by himself. I also know time is an inevitability, so I'll just have to keep thinking ahead and trying to see what I can think ahead for. Sigh.
