The Expendables is a Lie
Dec. 9th, 2018 09:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zesty_pintoDo you remember Voltron? That sentai-ish giant robot cartoon where for centuries these majestic hulks of immortal metal and tech hide in plain sight for centuries on a medieval planet where the only thing that awakens them is the right combination of words and maybe a few garish keys?
THAT. IS. NOT. MY. REALITY.
Case in point: I think the gummies are ready.
No, those gummies are not that old, but I was getting them ready to ship, but wanted to show them off as I packed them. Yes, the box I'm packing them into is over a year old, but that's not the point either.
I wanted to take photos. Decent photos.
I looked down at my stash of dusty Pentax glass and two bodies that have been patiently lying there, not far from a flash adapter cord for one of my potato mashers.
It's time.
Dust off the covers, check the batteries: one of them is good. Excellent. Unfortunately, it's one that I converted into infrared flash photography. Okay, so many not so good. The other one has a dead battery. Okay, fine. Check the charge and... the charger is not even registering it as a battery. This one's been at zero percent for a long, long, long, time.
Okay, and the potato masher? Check the charge: nothing. Okay, *that* I can predict. Wend through the Christmas warehouse that was the office, find my battery cycler for large, grotesquely big batteries and gave it a good charge. I'm treated to a short wait and once it housed itself back into my masher, it hummed like a proton pack ready to blast.
Okay, attach the hotshoe, use the IR-sensitive flash, and to test levels, I hit the shutter and-
No flash.
Okay, test again.
No flash.
I look at the charge holder for the masher and there's no hum anymore. The battery's went and met its maker yet again. It's ceased to be, gone past tense; THIS IS A DEAD BATTERY.
Luckily I have a hotshoe flash in the background, awaiting to be called. Come to me, hotshoe flash!
Dead too. BUT this runs on AAs, so I can fix this quickly! For you see, I kept many rechargable NiMH batteries for the many wonders that run here in my garden of electronic delights! I have many wondrous things that need the sweet nectar that only comes in these cylindrical honeypots! I
-checked every damn battery in my stash and they're all dead. SON OF A
...so the batteries are getting charged. All the batteries are getting charged.
If I knew this was going to happen, I would have put more planning into this, because guys, these gummies are *pretty*! They don't taste very good but they're so pretty! It was the only silver lining I had and now it's a fail.
I can't help but think that all these series about bringing the good ol' days a failure just for examples like these. The Expendables in comparison probably would still kick my butt if I met them in real life, but unless they've been having physical trainers every day past their prime years, it's more likely they'll get beaten up by an army of Kimbo Slices and John Cena impersonators. To put it in more "apples to apples" perspective, Airwolf is probably going to need replaced rotors, re-greased joints, a new missile control system to reflect some of the tech that has advanced in the past decades, and 80% of its circuitry replaced with a smartphone-sized processor if it can still hold up against today.
So Voltron? I just want to tell you something:
For a cartoon about space humans getting ancient future tech that imitates pyramids and live in giant living trees, you got everything wrong about how easy it would be to awaken that technology. Shame on you for disappointing me and my dreams of just turning a switch and making everything run instantly after a year or so of neglect!
As for me, I'm just packing the box and ranting about it in a stream of conscious post.
Edit: Tried trickle charging the potato masher's batteries and it's still more DOA than the "Friends" song's love life. I don't think this one's coming back to me, folks and I'm going to have to gut the battery for a new setup.
Rant over.
THAT. IS. NOT. MY. REALITY.
Case in point: I think the gummies are ready.
No, those gummies are not that old, but I was getting them ready to ship, but wanted to show them off as I packed them. Yes, the box I'm packing them into is over a year old, but that's not the point either.
I wanted to take photos. Decent photos.
I looked down at my stash of dusty Pentax glass and two bodies that have been patiently lying there, not far from a flash adapter cord for one of my potato mashers.
It's time.
Dust off the covers, check the batteries: one of them is good. Excellent. Unfortunately, it's one that I converted into infrared flash photography. Okay, so many not so good. The other one has a dead battery. Okay, fine. Check the charge and... the charger is not even registering it as a battery. This one's been at zero percent for a long, long, long, time.
Okay, and the potato masher? Check the charge: nothing. Okay, *that* I can predict. Wend through the Christmas warehouse that was the office, find my battery cycler for large, grotesquely big batteries and gave it a good charge. I'm treated to a short wait and once it housed itself back into my masher, it hummed like a proton pack ready to blast.
Okay, attach the hotshoe, use the IR-sensitive flash, and to test levels, I hit the shutter and-
No flash.
Okay, test again.
No flash.
I look at the charge holder for the masher and there's no hum anymore. The battery's went and met its maker yet again. It's ceased to be, gone past tense; THIS IS A DEAD BATTERY.
Luckily I have a hotshoe flash in the background, awaiting to be called. Come to me, hotshoe flash!
Dead too. BUT this runs on AAs, so I can fix this quickly! For you see, I kept many rechargable NiMH batteries for the many wonders that run here in my garden of electronic delights! I have many wondrous things that need the sweet nectar that only comes in these cylindrical honeypots! I
-checked every damn battery in my stash and they're all dead. SON OF A
...so the batteries are getting charged. All the batteries are getting charged.
If I knew this was going to happen, I would have put more planning into this, because guys, these gummies are *pretty*! They don't taste very good but they're so pretty! It was the only silver lining I had and now it's a fail.
I can't help but think that all these series about bringing the good ol' days a failure just for examples like these. The Expendables in comparison probably would still kick my butt if I met them in real life, but unless they've been having physical trainers every day past their prime years, it's more likely they'll get beaten up by an army of Kimbo Slices and John Cena impersonators. To put it in more "apples to apples" perspective, Airwolf is probably going to need replaced rotors, re-greased joints, a new missile control system to reflect some of the tech that has advanced in the past decades, and 80% of its circuitry replaced with a smartphone-sized processor if it can still hold up against today.
So Voltron? I just want to tell you something:
For a cartoon about space humans getting ancient future tech that imitates pyramids and live in giant living trees, you got everything wrong about how easy it would be to awaken that technology. Shame on you for disappointing me and my dreams of just turning a switch and making everything run instantly after a year or so of neglect!
As for me, I'm just packing the box and ranting about it in a stream of conscious post.
Edit: Tried trickle charging the potato masher's batteries and it's still more DOA than the "Friends" song's love life. I don't think this one's coming back to me, folks and I'm going to have to gut the battery for a new setup.
Rant over.
